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October 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Swanson Fun Feast!

While Canadians stretch the limits of their stomach bags by feasting on a lavish Thanksgiving meal of Tim Hortons-basted roasted moose and BeaverTails-crusted poutine pie, I’m paying homage to a truly lavish meal that was probably the reason for why a lot of parents called the plumber to come and unclog the toilet of kid turds.

In the 90s, Swanson decided to go from mainly fucking up the bowels of growns to fucking up the bowels of children by putting out a line of frozen dinners for kids called Fun Feast. Fun Feast was made up of all sorts of “kid favorite” foods like grilled cheese, fish sticks, ravioli, chicken nuggets, tacos, and pasta with meatballs. Because it was the 90s, they also had to give them 90s-fied names like Frenzied Fish Sticks and Growlin’ Grilled Cheese. Both of those names make sense, because asses were probably in a frenzy to barf up a wave of diarrhea after eating those fish sticks, and your insides were probably growlin’ for mercy after eating that soggy ass grilled cheese.

Swanson also put cartoon characters, like Scooby Doo, Fred Flintstone, and Charlie Brown on the boxes of Fun Feast.

The only thing I remember about Fun Feasts is that the desserts not only looked like actual shit, but tasted like shit too, and they were sadder than a middle-aged divorced dad sitting alone in his one bedroom apartment and poking at the lukewarm Fun Feast he bought for his kids’ weekend visit and they refused to eat because they wanted McDonald’s instead.

Pics: Fandom

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