Ever since his alleged friend Jeffrey Epstein allegedly killed himself while in police custody, Prince Andrew has made multiple bumbling attempts to act like he didn’t know Jeffrey. And each time he’s looked more and more like Austin Powers trying to convince everyone that he doesn’t own that Swedish-made penis enlarger pump. From “He wasn’t even really my friend!” to “I only went to his house to tell him I didn’t want to be friends anymore!”
But Andrew can finally kick his feet up on mumsy’s comfiest foot stool and take a break from all that exhausting work, because someone else is in charge of the damage control now.
According to The New York Post, the UK’s Channel 4 will air an hour-long documentary program about Andrew’s friendship with Jeffrey Epstein later this month. Something tells me that photo is going to get some airtime. The Post says that Andrew’s office received a bunch of phone calls from the program’s producers, asking him a variety of questions, like why he was still seen hanging out with Jeffrey after Jeffrey was released from prison in 2010 (Andrew claimed this week that he was only visiting Jeffrey to break up with him in person).
There’s no doubt going to be even more questions before and after Channel 4 airs that program. The Telegraph says that Andrew has recently hired 28-year-old professional spin doctor Jason Stein to take care of it all. A royal source claims:
“The Duke’s office has got a huge volume of work to deliver but a great deal of time is being taken up dealing with Epstein-related inquiries, which is where Jason will come in.”
Although that royal source makes it seem like Jason wasn’t even needed in the first place:
“We don’t know how many times we can say we have got nothing to do with this.”
I can give a quick estimate on that number. Let’s see, one time for every time a victim comes forward with their story, multiplied by every picture that shows Andrew flashing a shit-eating grin in the general vicinity of Jeffrey Epstein, which adds up to: A whole hell of a lot more. Sorry, Jason.
Jason’s official title won’t be “Failson Fixer” like I assumed it would be. It’s “Special Adviser for Communications,” and Jason reportedly took the job two weeks ago. Jason will report directly to Prince Andrew’s private secretary Amanda Thirsk, rather than the Buckingham Palace press office. So, good news, Buckingham Palace press office – you no longer have to stifle laughter while you type up press releases about how shocked Prince Andrew was when he discovered that his friend was an alleged creep. Go celebrate with some sparkling tea, you deserve it!