Miley Cyrus Defended Making Out With Cody Simpson Over An Acai Bowl

October 5, 2019 / Posted by:

Miley Cyrus was recently video-papped sucking face with Australian pop singer Cody Simpson at a Backyard Bowls eatery in LA., making everyone within eating distance of them push aside their bowls of whatever and immediately ask for the check. Miley is now defending her PDA and protesting being “slut-shamed” for kissing up on a dude in public not long after she broke up with Kaitlynn Carter and her husband Liam Hemsworth. She’d like to enjoy “a f–king acai bowl and a morning makeout session in peace?!?!”, thank you. Ok, WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ACAI BOWL? Anyone? So L.A.

In some Instagram story comments and a Twitter diatribe (helpfully broken down for us by E!), Mileypointed out that no one cares when the dude pop singers tongue-punch their friends in public.

The 26-year-old quips, “Men (especially successful ones) are RARELY slut shamed. They move on from one beautiful woman to the next MOST times without consequences. They are usually referenced as ‘legends’, ‘heart throbs’, ‘G’, ‘Ladies Man’ etc… where women are called sluts/w–res!”

Miley then did what I always do and managed to work a dig at Trump into the mix. Good for you, Destiny.

“I am trying to just THRIVE/survive in a ‘mans’ world… if we can’t beat em, join em! If our president can ‘grab em by the pussy…’ can’t I just have a kiss and açai bowl?!?!”

Isn’t acai in overpriced juices and maybe a trendy vodka or two? You can eat it out of a bowl? Mileys then asked us to deal with the fact that she’s going to hump on whomever she wants to because this is dating post-divorce, y’all. And we may think we know her because we grew up with Hannah Montana but that was Disney and this is hot girl fall or something.

“I know the public feel invested in my past relationship because they felt like they saw it thru from the beginning… I think that’s why people have always felt so entitled over my life and how I live it because they’ve watched me grow up… but I am grown now and make choices as an adult knowing the truth/details/reality,” she explains.

She says that she is “new to dating” as a “grown ass woman,” especially since she was dating Liam Hemsworth for the past ten years. “‘Meeting/trusting people in my position is really tuff,” she shares. “Don’t fucking pity me, not what I’m asking for. I have a great life I wouldn’t trade ‘privacy’ but PLEASE don’t make light and like always MAKE FUN of myself/and the public’s perception of me ! Get used to me dating—this is where I am at !”

Miley really read all the criticism directed at her and addressed each one. For instance, some fool told her she should just date at home so people like the “sneaky ass” person who recorded her molesting her longtime friend Cody wouldn’t have had the opportunity. I may not agree with Miley’s current wet-look hair choices but I do agree with her response.

“I refuse to recluse and ‘date’ from home cause A. That’s not fun B. Extremely uncomfortable/ puts me in a vulnerable position… I would like to share an activity with someone I am dating and not be stuck at home with pretty much nothing to do but ‘Netflix and chill’.”

She’s right. Every date can’t consist of just fucking at home. What about food? And mini-golf? And well, judging by Cody Simpson’s IG Story, it looks like they’ve gone from kissing over acai bowls to kissing over acai shakes and peanut butter and banana toast. In other words, they’re practically married now and will probably split up by this time tomorrow.

Pic: Instagram

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