Gwyneth Paltrow Finally Moved In With Brad Falchuk And Graciously Allowed Him To Keep “Some Chairs”

Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk did not live together for a year even though they were married. This made all of Gwyneth’s friends jealous, and I mean, they’re probably already jealous of her since she’s Gwyneth Paltrow and is perfect, but they were really jealous about her his-and-hers houses situation with Brad. Well, it’s been a year now since Gwyneth and Brad tied to knot and I guess Gwyneth’s moon has finally risen, or the shaman has purified the home or whatever was blocking Brad from living in her quarters, because now he’s in. And she told Jimmy Kimmel the hold off on the move-in was actually because of their teenage kids–but I think we all know the truth… it was the shaman.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, Jimmy asked Gwyn, who was on to promote Netflix’s The Politician, about not living with Brad after their wedding:

“I think, really, because we each have two teenage children whom we love very much, but we were just trying to be mindful and give them a little space and not move too quickly… But now, we’re merged, and it’s great.”

And since Jimmy is a troll and has actually met Gwyneth Paltrow and knows who she is, he asked her if Brad was allowed to keep any of his things when they moved in together, which is a fair question. And Gwyneth lied said he did:

“He got to keep some of his stuff. He’s [got] good taste. He’s got really nice clothes and we put some chairs from his house in there.”

Some chairs! This man is a multi-millionaire television guy in his own right and all that moved over from his multi-million-dollar home was “some chairs”. You just know Gwyneth Paltrow burned Brad’s house down with sage after he moved in–cleansed his aura.

But my favorite part of the interview is when Jimmy brings out Gwyneth’s Goop products. He pulls out her amethyst in a water bottle asks her about it. She tells him, “They say that amethyst–I think it’s supposed to be a heart-opening or something like that.” And Jimmy asks her who “they” is. Well, let Gwyneth tell you:

“I don’t know!”

Yup. Which is why it costs $84. She’s also never had any of the camel milk she’s suggested to people during an apparent #AltMilk article Goop ran.

But really, who is “they”? Who is this mystical person telling you about the benefits of amethyst which you then regurgitate to the tune of $84 plus shipping and handling? Gwyneth, you fraud! Next you’ll tell me that jade vagina eggs don’t help with pH balance! Oh wait… that happened already. Um, who’s starting the class action lawsuit over this fraudulent amethyst water bottle?

Here’s Gwyneth on Kimmel:

Pic: YouTube