I think we’re finally, finally reaching the fizzle out phase of this whole, Kaitlynn Carter x Miley Cyrus x Liam Hemsworth-love debacle. Remember when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were just covering up their tattoos of each other? That was the end of that over-publicized bullshit. Like rich people can do things in private, you know?–It’s possible. Lori Loughlin didn’t get in trouble for not being sneaky, am I wrong? But Miley is doing it like a millennial: social media! And now she’s maybe/probably dealing with her two recent breakups by saying that her dogs love her more than any person could. I mean… not wrong, but it’s probably because of a lack of cognizance.
Us Weekly says 26-year-old Miley Cyrus was doing her 26-year-old thang and talking about her recent love life on social media for her millions of followers to help understand her better, or why ever it is we love to over-share on the Internet.
As you know–unless you’re hiding out because you whistleblew on the President of the United States–Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth broke up and immediately started hooking up with Kaitlynn Carter who had only just broken up with Brody Jenner. Then Miley and Kaitlynn were in love and moving in together, and Liam was like, “Uh, dafuq?” because apparently he didn’t see the break-up coming. But then, Kaitlynn and Miley broke up because Miley simply cannot be tamed–and now she’s climbing mountains and being all “introspective” and shit.
Last night, Miley posted an Instagram a story about how much she loves her doggo companions and how they’re the only creatures who will truly love her unconditionally:
“Waking up surrounded by animals is my favorite way to start a morning. I am immediately reminded to LOVE without conditions… the best part about animals is that they are careless about the details. They live by the golden rule… Love & Be Loved. Nothing in between. No questions regarding wealth, career, talents, race, age, sex…. They love back 100X…. all they ask is to be cared for in exchange for loyalty, reliability and faithfulness. (reminds me of someone)”
She closed the message with the Live Long And Prosper emoji–at least, that’s what I call it. Is it supposed to be something else?
We get it, your dog loves you more than Liam or Kaitlynn ever could. Miley is a free-bird, so much so that only a talking animal could understand her. Me too, only my cat understands my need for a heaping amount of attention exclusively when I say so and not for a single moment when I do not.
That wasn’t the only hippie shit Miley posted either. She also talked about how she writes song “with” the ground and grass. Hit that pipe Miley:
So Miley is really doing her single-girl-thang and acting like she’s about to shit out the pages of Eat. Pray. Love. and The Secret all at once. The way she’s acting, I can already tell that whatever aesthetic her next album comes out with that it will smell like patchouli.