There’s no short of “mights” involved when it comes to conversations about Jennifer Lawrence and her fiancé Cooke Maroney. They might be getting married soon. They might have already gotten married at the courthouse. But if you choose to limit your JLaw wedding news to only one source, and that source being Amazon.com, then the only “might” could be limited to: “I might buy Jennifer and Cooke a $17.99 Himalayan salt lamp!” And that’s just the tip of the salt lamp. According to Jennifer’s Amazon registry, she also wants a $113 fondue set and a $1,995 spin bike.
Jennifer was notably absent from any of the top 10 spots on Forbes’ annual list of the highest-paid actresses. Jeremy Renner must have felt bad for his old American Hustle co-star – who has clearly fallen on hard time and could use the cash – and informed her that Amazon is the place to grab a quick check. That’s the only explanation that makes sense for why Jennifer Lawrence made an Amazon wedding registry guide, which launched yesterday. Here’s what you’ll see when you first venture into Jennifer’s wedding gift registry:
She’s “getting married,” which might mean (there’s that might again!) that when she and Cooke were spotted at the courthouse last week, they were just picking up a marriage license. Who knows, but let’s celebrate JLaw’s nuptials with presents! JLaw writes:
“Planning a wedding is so exciting, but it can be overwhelming. For anyone else needing a little inspiration, I thought it would be fun to collaborate with Amazon to share a few of my favorite registry wish-list items. It’s so easy, and you can find everything you need all in one place.”
Much like Jeremy’s gift guide, and Priyanka Chopra’s wedding registry guide, it’s a thorough list of things Jennifer Lawrence likes, broken down into categories such as Hosting & Happy Hours, Health & Wellness, and Outdoor Entertaining. And in case you’re on a budget, she has chosen several similar items at various price points. Like a $125.99 cocktail set, a $95 cocktail set, and a $36.47 cocktail set.
Here are but a few of the random items Jennifer recommends:
– Various wine and cocktail glasses (DUH)
– A $300 cooler
– A Kindle
– Apple AirPods
– A $50 toaster
– An Instant Pot
– Aveeno body lotion (uh oh, don’t tell Dior)
– A $1,995 stationary spin bike
– An Amazon Echo
– An Amazon Echo Show
– A smart-touch deadbolt door keypad
That last one is especially funny, because as if Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t live in a building with a door man or a home with a gated security guard. Or maybe she wants that deadbolt lock thing for the room she stores her awards in. But here’s how I know Jennifer’s Amazon wedding registry is bullshit. Because I went over her Outdoor Entertaining section three times, and she didn’t register for a single pack of outdoor wee wee pads to catch her post-wine piss when she inevitably pops a squat on her patio.