Open Post: Hosted By Wilford Brimley Warning Scientists Against Bringing A Mysterious Creature Back From The Antarctic

Some pertinent facts about Wilford “Cocoon Daddy” Brimley, 84:

1) You might have heard he has the diabeetus.

2) He’s somehow never won an Emmy. And there are no plans to honor his body of work at tonight’s Emmy Awards. Which is a damn shame? Remember that show he had with Marlena from Days of Our Lives? THAT ALSO STARRED SHANNEN DOHERTY? Get them all Emmys. Fix your mistakes, Hollywood.

3) Wilford starred in John Carpenter’s The Thing which was about a group of scientists confronting a murderous life form at an Arctic research camp. And, judging by a tweet from Brimley about a certain Arctic creature story, he believes that The Thing is now non-fiction.

Here’s the tweet:

Trust me, you do not want to do this. https://t.co/kNtqLrx5up

— Wilford Brimley (@RealWilfordB) September 20, 2019

Can you blame him? Express UK reports on this mysterious “sea cucumber” that New Zealand brainiacs on an expedition found 2+ miles under the ice in the Antarctic. They described it as something “they’d never seen before.” It has teeth. I’m with Wilford – fuck that noise!

Dr Stewart held the creature up to the camera.

He then exclaimed: “I have to look at such features as the shape of the teeth, the jaws, the shape of the gill rakers, as well as counts of the vertebrae [to determine what it is].

“Now I have no idea what species this is.

“The colour pattern on the fins is like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

And that, my friends, is when you dip. When the head brain starts talking about being unable to identify a species and it has teeth, you find the lifeboat and GTFO. Wilford’s character didn’t survive The Thing so he knows what’s up.

Pic: Universal Pictures