Before I went to bed last night, I read the headline that Zooey Deschanel has gotten with Jonathan Scott. And since I only know Jonathan Scott by his official legal name of Property Brother #1 (or is he Property Brother #2?), it took me a quick second to realize who he is. But when I did, I sniffed my glass of wine to see if my dog drugged me with some kind of fucked-up mind-bending substance that was causing me to hallucinate weird things like Quirky’s favorite ambassador getting with a Property Brother. It’s real, though, and Zooey and Jonathan brought on a thousand question marks when they hit the stroll together.
Zooey just announced last week that she had split from Jacob Pechenik, her producer husband of four years and the father of her kids, 4-year-old Elise Otter and 2-year-old Charlie Wolf. But People says that you shouldn’t think that Jonathan Scott’s got a sledgehammer dick that broke apart Zooey’s happy home, because she and Jacob separated months before they announced that they were done. Last year, Jonathan and his girlfriend of a couple of years, Jacinta Kuznetsov, a producer at his production company, announced that they were done.
As for where 39-year-old Zooey and 41-year-old Jonathan met, there’s only three options:
- At a Christmas tree farm where he was picking out a tree for a Property Brothers holiday special that is filming now, and where she was serenading the trees with her ukulele because she wants them to have some happiness before being slaughtered for the season.
- At a fabric store where they fought over a piece of fabric with a “baby duckling in a straw hat sitting on a polka dot” pattern, which she planned to use to make a serious business suit and he planned to use as curtains for the nursery of an immature newborn he’s working on.
- Carpool Karaoke.
The answer is the third one, according to Hollywood Life. Jonathan and his brother Drew Scott, joined forces with Zooey and her sister, Emily Deschanel, to do a sibling Carpool Karaoke. Drew posted this picture on August 4 of all of them together. Out of all the weird things to come out of Carpool Karaoke, Zooey and Jonathan becoming a thing might be the weirdest.
Their love was apparently born in that SUV and they started dating, but sources tell Hollywood Life and People that they’re just having fun for now. Jonathan travels a lot, so they see each other when they can and things are very, very new. Hollywood Life also describes Zooey as being very, very private. You might be thinking that if Zooey is a very private person, she shouldn’t be dating a Property Brother. But you don’t know shit, because he’s a VERY private person too.
Jonathan Scott, being the VERY private person that he is as well, talked to Us Weekly about the VERY private person he’s dating.
“I am seeing someone. I’m a very private person, so I don’t typically talk about that. It’s definitely special for me because I am the guy who raises the bar in what I’m looking for in a partner. I was caught a little off guard. It was definitely a pleasant surprise.”
Never mind that the VERY private Jonathan Scott did a photo shoot for People with his last girlfriend. Nothing defines VERY private like talking about your VERY private relationship with a VERY private person to Us Weekly. To paraphrase the iconic line from Pretty Woman’s Snobby Saleswoman #2: It’s VEEEEEERRRRRRYYY private.
And here’s two VERY private people being VERY private by smiling at the paps after eating a meal together at Little Dom’s in L.A. yesterday:
New couple alert! 🚨 Zooey Deschanel is dating #PropertyBrothers star Jonathan Scott, following her split with Jacob Pechenik — we've got EXCLUSIVE pics of their date on Sept. 13:https://t.co/kNObGaDxTk
— HollywoodLife (@HollywoodLife) September 14, 2019
I’m sure this will be the last we hear about this relationship between two VERY private people. They’re going to take their VERY private love to a VERY private place, like under a rock, and they’ll continue to live their VERY private lives there forever… or until they eventually break up while renovating the kitchen, because he’ll want grey quartz countertops and she’ll insist on navy flower-shaped tiles with periwinkle grout. Oh well, we’ll never find out since Jonathan Scott is VERY private.