Natalie Portman is a serious actress and clearly we expect nothing but commitment from her, which is why some people are so mad she didn’t go all out in her new movie Lucy in the Sky and wear an adult diaper in a plot-specific scene. The nerve! And she dares to call herself an actress.
Lucy in the Sky is about a married astronaut named Lucy Cola, who returns from a trip to space and (spoiler alert) hooks up with another astronaut, and then kind of starts to lose it a bit when her sidepiece spaceman hooks up with another astronaut. Here’s the trailer. And you can tell it’s set in the past, because Natalie is working some hair that looks like it came off the cover of a 1991 issue of Short Hair:
The Los Angeles Times says that Lucy in the Sky is loosely based on the story of Lisa Nowak, a former NASA astronaut who was arrested in 2007 and charged with attempted kidnapping of U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman. Colleen was allegedly the girlfriend of an astronaut named William Oefelein. Lisa and William had been involved for two years. Both Lisa and William were the first astronauts ever dismissed from NASA. It’s all incredibly dramatic, and I have no idea how Lifetime didn’t first get the rights. But it’s now a serious Hollywood movie. Speaking of legitimacy, here’s where the diapers come in.
Lisa Nowak drove from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida with plans to confront Colleen at the Orlando International Airport. Lisa allegedly brought with her a multitude of suspicious-as-HELL items, including latex gloves, a wig, pepper spray, garbage bags, a hammer, a BB gun, a folding knife, black gloves, and a hooded trench coat. Police reports claim she allegedly made the 950 mile trip in less than one day by not making any stops, thanks to some government-issued diapers. Lisa allegedly denies it, but it’s kind of become part of the legend now.
Natalie Portman’s Lucy is pretty much Lisa (the movie opens with a declaration that it’s “Based on true events“). But Lucy writer/director Noah Hawley says the diapers got the cut, because it’s not a documentary.
“I wanted to try to tell that story, and allow her to retain her dignity…Given that it’s not a documentary, part of the work I did was trying to create a character journey that you could really relate to and stay with, even when she went to places you didn’t want her to go. That detail just didn’t fit into the story.”
But who knew it would be such a disappointment that Natalie’s character didn’t replaced her Hanes with Depends! Heather Schwedel of Slate writes:
“The diapers are what everyone remembers about the story, the dare-I-say cinematic detail begging to be depicted on screen. The love triangle and the capture by authorities and also the outer space will all be riveting too. But God, just give us at least a little diaper.”
Hunter Harris of Vulture was just as mad:
“Fetch me my legal action blouse. Let me speak to someone’s manager…Natalie Portman does not – I repeat, does not – wear a diaper in the astronaut-love-triangle movie Lucy in the Sky, and for that I am filing suit. My attorney (who also doubles as my father) has been notified. I will not take this lying down!”
Twitter is equally soggy about the whole thing:
No diapers in this is story is like no Bronco chase in a story about O.J.
Not necessary to the story but man, does it make it more interesting.
Natalie Portman won't be wearing any diapers in Lucy in the Sky https://t.co/CbJ0ExgFa1
— Orlando (@flyingvaders) September 12, 2019
If Ridley Scott can reshoot scenes replacing Kevin Spacey with Christopher Plummer then Noah Hawley should be able to reshoot some scenes with Natalie Portman changing her dirty diapers.
— Stud Manly (@Stud_Manly) September 12, 2019
bro put natalie portman in that diaper you’re not scaring the hoes you’re making them really mad. like really mad. one hoe specifically: me
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) September 12, 2019
There’s a very obvious reason for why Natalie’s Lucy doesn’t put on a diaper at any time during that movie, and it’s not because of what Noah Hawley said. The William Oefelein character in this movie is named Mark Goodwin, who is played by Jon Hamm. The second Natalie’s Lucy puts on a diaper, the audience would just assume Jon wrecked her with his massive space shuttle and needed some comfy padding to be able to sit.
Here’s more of the TIFF premiere of Lucy in the Sky yesterday.