Federal Prosecutors Want Felicity Huffman To Serve A Month In The Clink

September 7, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s been four months since Felicity Huffman decided that the best way to keep from landing herself a long-running role in Cell Block C Playhouse’s production of Desperate Cellmates is to cop a plea and admit guilt, which is what she did in May. Felicity pleaded guilty to committing mail fraud and honest services fraud by paying $15,000 to have a proctor correct the answers on her daughter’s SAT test in hopes of getting into a “good” college. Sentencing time is coming up, and it was reported that prosecutors were going to recommend 4 to 10 months in prison, but I guess their asses are Sports Night fans, because they’ve recommended only a month. Lori Loughlin is probably changing her mind about regretting her decision to not take a plea deal, because I mean, a whole entire month under fluorescent lighting and without Frette sheets?! She’d literally die.

NBC News says that Felicity’s lawyers are trying to keep her out of prison, of course, and asked the judge to hit her with one year of probation, 250 hours of community service, and a $20,000 fine. But prosecutors filed docs yesterday saying that they want the judge to give her a month in prison, a year of supervised release, and a $20,000 fine. Prosecutors brought the shadiness in their recommendation statement by saying that in this case, probation or house arrest doesn’t make sense since spending your sentence luxuriously lounging on a pool floatie as a Speedo-clad William H. Macy hands you another white wine spritzer is the opposite of a punishment.

“In the context of this case, neither probation nor home confinement (in a large home in the Hollywood Hills with an infinity pool) would constitute meaningful punishment or deter others from committing similar crimes,” the prosecutors wrote.

They added that Huffman’s “efforts weren’t driven by need or desperation, but by a sense of entitlement, or at least moral cluelessness, facilitated by wealth and insularity.”

“Millions of parents send their kids to college every year. But they don’t buy fake SAT scores and joke about it (“Ruh Ro!”) along the way,” they added

The “Ruh Ro!” they’re talking about is what Felicity wrote in an email to the College Admissions Scandal ringleader Rick Singer after finding out that her daughter’s high school was using their own SAT proctor instead of the one who was going to rig the test for them. Who knew that Felicity becomes Scooby Fuckin’ Doo when shit doesn’t go her way.

In Felicity’s sentencing memorandum, her lawyers slipped in 27 letters of support including ones from Felicity herself, Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry, and her husband. William H. Macy never got charged because the feds only had proof of him knowing about the college admission schemes in regards to their other daughter, and they never went through with it.

In her letter, Felicity admitted guilt again, said she was sorry for it, and added that both of her daughters, 19-year-old Sophia and 17-year-old Georgia, have learning disabilities. Felicity wrote that she worked with Rick Singer for a year on getting her daughters into the schools they wanted to go to. Some parents might think that cheating their kids’ way into a school that they can’t get into on their own is a surefire way to set them up to fail, but not Felicity. She thought she’d win a Bad Mom of the Year award if she didn’t cheat her daughter’s way into college.

Felicity also said that Georgia wanted to major in theater but wouldn’t even get an audition for the school of her choice because of her low SAT scores, so she thought of pulling the same scheme but changed her mind. via People

The actress wrote that when Singer suggested he could have a proctor “bump up her scores” on the SAT, she was “shocked” but came to believe she “would be a bad mother if I didn’t do what Mr. Singer was suggesting.”

“To my utter shame, I finally agreed to cheating on Sophia’s SAT scores, and also considered doing the same thing for Georgia,” Huffman wrote. “But the decision haunted me terribly; I knew it was not right. I finally came to my senses and told Mr. Singer to stop the process for Georgia.”

Um, okay, but Felicity and William H. Macy (I can’t just call him “William,” it feels weird) have to know that if Georgia doesn’t go to theater school, she’ll probably still have some kind of acting career since she’s already a graduate from the University of Nepotism.

And as for Eva and Marc’s letters, they dragged Nicollette Sheridan into it without writing the name Nicollette Sheridan. Nicollette filed a wrongful termination lawsuit in 2010, claiming that she was fired from Desperate Housewives after complaining about Marc Cherry’s alleged mental, verbal, and physical abuse toward her. The main cast all backed Marc. The lawsuit was eventually tossed.

Both Eva and Marc brought up an unnamed “bully” who terrorized the Desperate Housewives set. Marc wrote that Felicity was a million rays of sunshine and even though the “problematic cast member” refused to speak to anyone on set, Felicity greeted this bully every single day. Eva also wrote this about the “bully.” via Too Fab

“There was a time I was being bulled at work by a co-worker,” Longoria continued, not naming names either. “I dreaded the days I had to work with that person because it was pure torture. Until one day, Felicity told the bully ‘enough’ and it all stopped. Felicity could feel that I was riddled with anxiety even though I never complained or mentioned the abuse to anyone.”

So if Felicity is sentenced to a month in prison, my guess is that the court room will be filled with a loud cackle, and when everyone turns around to see where the cackle is coming from, they’ll see this:

Edie Britt always gets the last laugh, bitches!

Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com

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