It’s been 28 years since Linda Hamilton has slid her muscled-up arms into the arm holes of a tank to play Sarah Conner, and she did it for the third time for Terminator: Dark Fate, which is out in November. To promote her grand return to Sarah Conner, Linda talked to The New York Times, and pretty much told them that when the genitals of her last fuck partner said, “I’ll be back,” she said, “Don’t bother, bitch.” That was 15 years ago.
If you’re a dick-hungry ho like me, who gets his oxygen from a peen, then you might be shedding a tear for Linda’s cooze, but don’t. Because Linda’s coochie isn’t exactly staring at the window, softly singing Diana Ross’ Missing You to sex.
62-year-old Linda is currently living a non-movie star life in New Orleans, and before that, she lived on a farm in Virginia, and before that she lived in a mansion in Malibu. Linda sold that Malibu mansion in 2012 after her role on the show Chuck ended, because she was suffering from a problem I wish I had: being alone in opulence!
“I woke up one day and I was like, ‘Well, here I am in my beautiful mansion and my kids aren’t here, my agents aren’t calling, and this is not real.’”
Linda lives in her New Orleans townhouse with her two dogs, Turk and Noodle, and it may stay that way for a minute, because she’s not looking to get married. And in fact, she says that the last time someone signed her punane’s guestbook, Facebook was barely a thing. But Linda isn’t bothered, and one reason why she was hesitant to do another big studio film like Terminator: Dark Fate was because she likes being out of the spotlight and alone.
Otherwise, her life in New Orleans is gratifyingly spartan. “I love my alone time like no one you’ve ever met,” said Hamilton, who divorced her “Terminator 2” director, James Cameron, in 1999. “I’ve been celibate for at least 15 years. One loses track, because it just doesn’t matter — or at least it doesn’t matter to me. I have a very romantic relationship with my world every day and the people who are in it.”
And about James Cameron, Linda was with him for 7 years and they divorced in 1999 after 2 years of marriage. They share one daughter. Linda says they just weren’t great together as a couple and believes he fell in love with Sarah Conner, not Linda Hamilton. James talked to the New York Times and kind of agreed with her on that.
Cameron doesn’t exactly disagree. “I fell in love with her initially because I thought she was a little closer to Sarah than she actually is, but that doesn’t mean that much once you get to know somebody,” he said. “I think we were just in this high-velocity spiral around each other for a long time. We were fascinated by each other.”
“When I broke up with Jim, I was completely devastated for years,” Hamilton said. “But I’m so glad to be free of that. I would never, ever put that much energy again into something that is not working.”
So James thought Linda was like Sarah Conner… Why do I think that James insisted on dressing like The Terminator to do sex? I’m surprised that Linda hasn’t been celibate for 20 years! Because nothing will make your vagine pull down the security gate and throw up a sign that reads, “Moved. NO FORWARDING ADDRESS!”, like watching James Cameron (while dressed as The Terminator) say, “Hasta la vista, baby,” to the nut he’s about to bust.