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Shaq’s Mr. Big candy bar!

Cadbury has been selling the chocolate candy bar Mr. Big in Canada since the beginning of Canada’s time (Canada’s founding mother Celine Dion definitely bit into a Mr. Big after putting the Canadian flag on Canadian soil for the first time). It’s supposedly the biggest candy bar for sale in Canada, and Wikipedia claims it’s 8 inches long, but others claim it’s 12 inches long. Um, that’s a big difference, because any self-respecting size queen wouldn’t even think to strain their jaw by opening their mouths for something as teeny tiny as 8 inches! Why brother! Whatever the case may be, in the mid-90s, Cadbury decided to finally bring Mr. Big to the U.S. and they used Shaq to help them.

Shaq will put his name and face on anything for a check. Shaq has pushed sneakers, clothes, drinks, food, cruise lines, and so much more, and in 1995, he became the face of Mr. Big candy bar in the U.S. Hopefully, that check was bigger than that Mr. Big candy bar, because Shaq should’ve refused to put his face on a dick-shaped candy bar unless they made it twice as long and made it so girthy that the creases of your lips split while trying to get your mouth around it.

I couldn’t find a Mr. Big commercial starring Shag, but found a Canadian one, which claims that a Mr. Big is around 7 inches long, and will cause you to grow and attract high-class call girls:

Never mind that Mr. Big is that delusional Grindr trick who says, “Bet you can’t take it,” about his 4 inch pencil dick, Mr. Big had me at “when you’re this big, they call you mister.” A cocky douche who will totally leave you on read for weeks and never say hi to you when he sees you out in public. I swoon!

Pic: WorthPoint