Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 16, 2019 / Posted by:

The raccoon citizen of VendingMachineLand!

My mom worked nights and weekend at her hospital job a lot when I was a kid, and she’d take me with her often. I was always excited to go, because it meant two things: 1. I could play secretary (apologies to those I hung up on when answering the phone because I didn’t know how to transfer that shit) and 2. My mom would give me a couple of quarters to go wild at the vending machine. The vending machine was heaven in a box, and this raccoon lived my dream life for a quick second, because bitch got to live in one!

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office was called to¬†Pine Ridge High School in Deltona, Florida after a raccoon slid into a vending machine (genius move) but then got stuck in there (dum dum move). The good thing about getting stuck in a vending machine is that you’re stuck in a land of snacks. But the bad thing is that you’re stuck in a box with a giant window where judgmental tricks can watch you eating your feelings in the form of stolen snacks.

The cops were called and the officers worked with Animal Control to free the furry vending machine trespasser. They wrote this on Facebook:

For anyone wondering about the outcome of this call, Deputy Danny Clifton called in Deltona Animal Control, and together they put this vending machine on a dolly and wheeled it out to an area where our friend could make his exit to freedom. He did so with a little encouragement, and he’s off to his next adventure.

And here’s the video of that thief proving that if you want to pull some illegal trespassing and stealing moves without getting shot by the police, be a raccoon!

Judging by the pictures I’ve seen, it looks like the only things in that vending machine were Pop Tarts, baby back rib chips, Welch’s fruit gummies, and some granolas bars. No Snickers, no Corn Nuts, no name brand chips, no nothing. No wonder that raccoon busted out of there quick. He should file a lawsuit against that high school for giving him blue balls of the mouth.

Pic: Volusia County Sheriff’s Office

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