Four Loko Is Getting Into The Spiked Seltzer Business

August 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Four Loko is breaking into the hard seltzer game, sort of like the way a bear breaks into your car: aggressively and with a vague notion that they are doing something wrong but don’t give a fuck! Four Loko has come for the White Claws and the Trulys of the hard seltzer word by making a booze drink with a real Four Loko-level of alcohol in it. One can will have 14% alcohol, compared to White Claw’s and Truly’s 5% ABV.

So, I’m not a mathematician but each can is basically a bottle of wine, and if you drink a six-pack, well, you might suffer from an embarrassing case of having to slur, “Um, some Four Loko hard seltzers,” to the doctor who is treating you for alcohol poisoning at the ER.

According to Whiskey Riff:

Four Loko Hard Seltzer Is Here… And It Will Probably Kill You

White Claw, Truly, Smirnoff, even Natty Light and PBR… up until now, it’s all been child’s play.

Four Loko has officially entered the chat.

Sharing this photo to Twitter today, it appears as though Four Loko is about to release their own hard seltzer, with a coma-inducing 14% alcohol-by-volume and a “hint of blue razz.”

I’m scared.

Four Loko the energy drink was banned in several states because they combined insane amounts of caffeine with insane amounts of alcohol and basically made liquid cocaine in a can. It seems that Four Loko has learned its lesson and is now getting rid of the caffeine and replacing it with …….MORE ALCOHOL!

I’ve never had a Four Loko but husband did once and I woke up to him scrubbing the kitchen floor at 4 am. It was a wild ride, but at least the kitchen was clean.

If Four Loko needs some “celeb” endorsements to sell their sparkling death in a can, I’m sure Michael Lohan is still drinking the old Four Lokos, so he’s a shoe-in. Ann Coulter would be great as she already sold her soul to devil, so she would be in no danger of Four Loko stealing it.

And I guess if 2019 was a drink, it’d be Four Loko hard seltzer, so well played, Four Loko.

Pic: Four Loko

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