After almost a year of being married, Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk will finally live under the same roof. What a wonderful moment for Gwyneth. She’ll no longer have to text Brad, “What’s a Sebastian Stan?” Because now she can just shout it into the living room. I’m sure Gwyneth is saving the details of their move for a four-part GOOP essay series titled Collective Existence Within the Chosen Domicile, but Brad recently talked about it to the Wall Street Journal.
Brad spoke to the WSJ to promote his new Netflix series, The Politician, which co-stars Gwyneth. So of course they spoke about his marriage. Brad says that, despite what you read, they’re just a normal couple who go to bed early and cook dinner together (so she DOES have help in the kitchen after all! Gotcha, Gwyneth). He also thanks Gwyneth for keeping him grounded in reality:
“Gwyneth has a very tough skin. She’s like, ‘You’ve got to relax.’ At the end of the day, we’re getting into bed together…and nothing from the outside world or anybody’s opinion means anything.”
That’s probably how she sells him on bi-weekly chakra colonics. “Shh…don’t listen to the outside opinions that say this is a scam. Now relax, your colon’s aura needs this.”
Brad confirmed that he recently sold his home in Brentwood, the one he was living in while he and Gwyneth took their time deciding their housing situation. And next month, he’ll have moved himself and his two kids, Isabella and Brody, in with Gwyneth and her two kids, Apple and Moses. He explains that it took so long because the kids needed to feel okay about it all.
“I’m moving in September. We’ve just done it slowly. Divorce is terrible, even when it’s the right thing to do. And it’s really hard on kids. Come September, we’re all gonna Brady Bunch it up, and it’ll be great.”
His assumption that it will be like The Brady Bunch is most likely because their situation involves the story of a man named Brad-y, who got married to a snobby lady named Gwyneth. But the similarities end there. Unless I missed the episode of The Brady Bunch where Greg and Peter are goofing around in Carol’s imported cedar wood fitness studio, and accidentally hit Marcia in the nose with a high-density foam yoga block.