The Daily Mail reports that highly-skilled detectives of The Beyhive believe that because of the color purple and some well-positioned arms, a fourth chosen one has been sent down from the cosmos and placed into the womb of their God Beyoncé. You know that it’s totally authentic and Beyoncé is for sure pregnant–these detectives have never been wrong before.
It happens once a year, or every few months: The Beyhive starts thinking Beyoncé is pregnant because she stands like this or holds her stomach like that–you know: the usual. After three children with husband Jay-Z, one of whom they’ve already used their cheat codes to be the youngest person on Billboard–people seem to think they’re still going. I guess they’re creating a Knowles/Carter dynasty.
Even after blessing the world with three new money-making chirruns, the people still remain highly interested in the state of Bey’s womb. Is there a baby in there doing the Single Ladies dance while waiting to get nominated for: Youngest Fetus To Be In Beyoncé when Beyoncé gets her The Lion King Oscar? Who knows… well The Beyhive seem to think they do.
These are the pictures that currently have The Hive buzzing like crazy:
So listen: yes, in one of the pictures her stomach is fully exposed and she looks like a normal woman and not a pregnant person, but wait. That print she’s wearing? Is slimming. And there’s a tie around her waist? And her positioning is specific? Do you get it? No? Then you’re probably normal because who is looking this hard? Does The Beyhive have some sort of office pool about Beyoncé’s Baby #4? There has to be some money down on this…
Here are some gems:
“Anyone else see a bump or is it just me?”
“This guh pregnant.”
“Patterns like that camouflage very well. She looks very pregnant.”
“Let me research the meanings of purple and the things it’s related to. This is a clue!”
“What Beyoncé??? Speak clearly what are you trying to tell us??”
“We’ve been saying muva is pregnant.. she’s been dropping clues the entire album. Purple is royalty… simba(King) (son).. the lions curled up like a fetus. There’s so much more but remember we said it!”
If Beyoncé is pregnant I’m certain that The Beyhive won’t be the ones to break the news to you. You’ll hear about it when she’s ready: AKA when she’s pulling a highly-choreographed stunt queen move on a national stage to generate a huge amount of publicity. Only way this shit leaks is if, like, one of the nurses at the hospital lets it spill that Beyoncé rented out a whole neonatal wing ahead of time–she doesn’t want to piss off the peasants again.