Open Post: Hosted By This Ketchup Thief’s Redemption

August 3, 2019 / Posted by:

One of the few things I’ve ever stolen in my life besides the hearts and minds of the Dlisted audience (*cringe*) was a life-size cut-out of the Kool-Aid Man from a Burger King in South Weymouth, Massachusetts. I got away scot-free, the cut-out might still be in my friend from high school’s parents’ basement, and I felt not a lick of guilt for it. I might be a sociopath with no conscience but this ketchup thief is definitely not. In a sort of heartwarming move (despite this apology being inspired by the thief’s karmic car accident), a ketchup thief tried to make good with a Perkins restaurant in Lacey Township, New Jersey for his or her or their catsup theft.

According to New Jersey’s 101.5, Perkins owner Maria DiLeo posted this stolen ketchup tale on the Lacey Township Chatter Facebook page. She wrote that she discovered this note along with two bottles of Heinz ketchup outside the restaurant near closing time one night.

The thief claimed that they were a mild-mannered, upstanding citizen who decided to just be bad one day and make off with some ketchup from the restaurant. And they certainly paid for it.

The days went by, and the trouble began. This person either already believed in karma or soon converted. A car crash. Other trouble. A life spinning out of control over a purloined ketchup bottle.

Karma crashed their car! DeLeo posted the note and let the ketchup thief know that all was forgiven. She even framed it!

To the person that returned this. You are forgiven. Hope all goes better for you lesson learned.

That’s nice. If this is how it works, do you think snatching that cardboard Kool-Aid Man back in the day is the reason for any hardships I’ve endured since then? Shit, can I return it? Where do you get those so I can bring two back?

P.S. – The lady at :40 is absolutely right as well as being priceless.

Pic: New Jersey 101.5

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