Expect Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell to rush release an Instagram Story of him dutch oven-ing her as they FaceTime with their couples therapist to discuss him wanting to swing, because Julianne Hough and her hockey player/podcaster husband of 2 years Brooks Laich are showing them up when it comes to celebrity couples who let everyone know the ins and outs of their relationship. Julianne and Brooks have already told us about their erotic blueprint, and how he had a slight case of the ERRRs over her not wanting to take his last name after marriage. Now Julianne Hough is telling Women’s Health about the time she let Brooks know that she’s not strictly dickly. You’d think that a man who is traditional enough to want his wife to take his last name would be walking around with no head since he lost it after she told him she’s not 100% hetero. But either he didn’t lose his head or he did and she SuperGlued it back on real quick before anyone noticed.
Julianne is on the cover of Women’s Health, putting her dance skills to the test by leaping into a grand “hide that nipple and cooze” leap while working some Dollar Tree Phyllis Diller hair. Inside the issue, Julianne is pushing something called Kinrgy. When I see the name “Kinrgy,” I start screaming at Jem!‘s creators to call their lawyers since that sounds like the love child of Kimber and Synergy. But Kinrgy is the dance method that Julianne created and is named after kin (for family and kinesthetic) and energy.
Julianne tells Women’s Health that she’s been connecting with the woman inside (which sounds like a tantric lesbian sex act) and that her husband was into it, so she decided to let him know that she’s the NS (not straight) in LGBTQNS.
“I was connecting to the woman inside that doesn’t need anything, versus the little girl that looked to him to protect me,” she remembers. “I was like, ‘Is he going to love this version of me?’ But the more I dropped into my most authentic self, the more attracted he was to me. Now we have a more intimate relationship.”
That new intimacy has allowed Julianne to reveal truths to her husband that even he didn’t know. “I [told him], ‘You know I’m not straight, right?’ And he was like, ‘I’m sorry, what?’ I was like, ‘I’m not. But I choose to be with you,’” she says.
“I think there’s a safety with my husband now that I’m unpacking all of this, and there’s no fear of voicing things that I’ve been afraid to admit or that I’ve had shame or guilt about because of what I’ve been told or how I was raised.”
Those of us who read blind items back in the day, probably thought that if a Hough was going to come out, it would be Derek, so Julianne really dropped a PLOT TWIST right onto our faces. I’m about as surprised about this as Julianne was about finding out that Ryan Seacrest is supposedly not gay. Congrats to Julianne for coming out. I knew that Paula Abdul had magical powers, but who knew her magical powers involved being able to knock the straight out of someone.
Pic: Brian Bowen Smith/Women’s Health