Taylor Swift Is Pitching Capital One Cards To Sell More Albums

July 26, 2019 / Posted by:

29-year-old, extremely wealthy and successful pop songstress, Taylor Swift, has decided to terrorize your TV screens every hour of the day to sell more albums. And while doing so, she’s coming for Jennifer Garner’s gig. Oh, Taylor, how shameless and cold-hearted of you to mess with Jennifer Garner’s money. She’s got kids! Taylor Swift just has cats!

People reports that Taylor is involved in a multi-year partnership with Capital One, so this is just the beginning. Taylor is using Capital One to give her album the DJ Khaled-special. Before her new album Lover is released in August, Capital One customers can pre-order an “exclusive bundle” which includes the digital album and a “one-of-a-kind T-shirt”. Nothing is one-of-a-kind. Unless they do something different involving the actual cut and design of the t-shirt itself, then you will be able to replicate whatever image of Taylor and the word “Lover” they spray paint onto cotton by getting a screenshot of it and going down to your local t-shirt printer at the value-mall. You think some of these girls really out here buying Beyoncé‘s Homecoming shit for $100? No, it’s called: copyright infringement.

As for the commercial, I’m not sure the premise. I know it’s trying to advertise her annoying “Me” song but I don’t know what else. I guess some card? Which gives you 4% back on dining and entertainment? But why then is Taylor Swift working as a waitress and a bartender? Like? What does that have to do with 4% back?

Do you catch the looks of those customers seeing Taylor Swift? They are as confused as I am about why in the Hell Taylor Swift is working behind a counter. They’re like, “Damn girl, I know you aren’t charting like you used to, but really; a bartender?” Hopefully this Savor card helps Taylor make it back to number #1 on the charts, cause this scheme certainly didn’t work out for DJ Khaled and I would hate for Detective Olivia Benson and Doctor Meredith Grey to live in squalor.

Pic: YouTube

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