Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks She’s Reached The Age Where No One Wants To Do Her

July 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Well, Gwyneth Paltrow’s actual words were that she thinks she’s “unfuckable.” According to 46-year-old Gwyneth Paltrow, she’s officially seen (to borrow from Julia Louis Dreyfus) her last fuckable day.

E! News says that Gwyneth’s candid chat about her current bangability index happened during the very first episode of Goop’s new beauty podcast, The Beauty Closet. I can’t wait for the episode where Gwyneth makes everyone feel poor when she brags about redoing her own beauty closet, because 1,200 square feet was just too cramped and she was getting so sick of bumping into her shelves of imported French bees. In the first episode, Gwyneth talked about aging as a beautiful person to the podcast’s hosts Jean Godfrey-June and Megan O’Neill.

Gwyneth says she’s never felt like a beautiful person, despite Hollywood’s insistence that she is a beautiful person. Now that she’s older and getting wrinklier, she realizes her identify has changed a bit.

“I’ve always felt so funny about my looks. I think that it’s very rare to think that you’re a beautiful person, and so, I feel like every other woman, like I don’t see that when I look in the mirror…I have this other added bizarre layer, which is I’ve been considered to be this [beautiful] woman.”

It’s like Gwyneth is living a real-life version of Shallow Hal, except in this version, Gwyneth is convinced all the $90 menopause vitamins and $5,700 wellness summits work until she walks past a mirror. But the reality – at least to Gwyneth – is that aging means she’s not Hot Gwyneth anymore.

“Then I think when you come to age, if you have this broad identity as that, what does it mean to get wrinkles and get closer to menopause? And all these things, and it’s like, what happens to your identity as a woman if you’re not fuckable and beautiful?”

Despite still having the ass of a 22-year-old stripper, Gwyneth’s face is changing into that of a woman in her mid-40s, and that’s what’s tripping her out.

“It’s like you feel so good, you know who you are, hopefully you value the relationships in your life and your work and your contribution to the world. When you’re in your 40s that’s the idea, but then you’re like, ‘Wow, I have crow’s feet, damn!'”

Gwyneth adds that luckily, as you start to become less fuckable, you also start to care less, and begin to like yourself more. When the hosts joked, “You’re like ‘I’d fuck me!’“, Gwyneth replied, “And I do!” Well at least someone out there wants to fuck Gwyneth! Although I’m shocked that she didn’t use that perfect opportunity to push another $15,000 dildo. Gwyneth is getting sloppy.


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