Bella Thorne Has Realized She’s Not Bisexual, She’s Pansexual

July 23, 2019 / Posted by:

Poets who have been working most of their lives to get a book deal definitely raised a feather quill pen (because every self-respecting poet uses a feather quill pen) to noted poet Bella Thorne who actually got money to burp out a bunch of poems about her life. That book called The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray is out now, and Bella’s been peddling it everywhere except for Old Judgmental Hags Central (The View).

The Emily Dickinson of our time (Emily Dickandcoochandthisorthat, if you will) pushed her book of poems on Good Morning America, and talked to Juju Chang about her sexuality. Bella declared herself a lover of both peen and poon in 2016 when she came out as bisexual. But Bella is bisexual no more, and says she had it all wrong, because she’s pansexual. Now, if I asked my mom about pansexuality, she’d think I was coming out as pansexual, and calmly, but sternly, back away, walk to her kitchen, gather all her Calphalons and hide them thinking I wanted to fuck them. But that’s not what being pansexual is about. It’s also not someone who exclusively gets the drips for Peter Pan Dude.

Janelle Monae, Miley Cyrus, Brendon Urie, and Jazz Jennings have all come out as pansexual, and Wikipedia describes it as broader than bisexuality (where you’re into two genders) and means you’re into people of all gender identities and sexualities. The dictionary describes it like this:

: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual desire or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation Pansexual people are attracted to all kinds of people, regardless of their gender, sex or presentation.

But Bella Thorne describes being pansexual in a very Bella Thorne way, saying this to Juju Chang:

“I’m actually a pansexual. I didn’t know that. Somebody explained it to me very thoroughly. You like beings. You like what you like, doesn’t have to be a girl or a guy, or a he, a she, a they, a this or that. It’s literally, you like personality. Like a being.”

Err, did the “somebody” who gave her that definition of pansexuality a dog who has a thing for human ginger ravers? Because Bella saying she’s into “beings” makes me think she patted her clitty (I definitely know how female fapping works) to the Cats trailer, and uses Petfinder as her Tinder.

I need to stop since not only is Bella Thorne educating the masses on pansexuality, but she’s also letting us know that there’s another gender identity. There’s agender, bigender, cisgender, transgender, intersex, gender fluid, and “thisorthat.

Pic: YouTube

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