Things have been messy on the new James Bond movie Bond 25. It lost its director, Daniel Craig messed up his ankle during filming, a crew member got hurt during an explosion gone wrong, and shit really hit the fan toilet camera when a camera was found in a toilet in the women’s restroom at the studio where they film. But finally, some good news has come out of that disaster. No, Idris Elba doesn’t take over as Bond about 5 minutes, and plays a Bond who is allergic to wearing clothes. Instead, British actress Lashana Lynch takes over as 007.
This is truly going to make the MAGAs chug their beers at their televisions, and cause wall sliding faints to the tea drinking set over in jolly old England. Because this is huge! The switch up came at the insistence of Phoebe Waller-Bridge who was brought in to polish up the script and that included making 007 a woman. Phoebe was reportedly tired of seeing Bond portrayed as some boozy, lecherous man slut always blowing shit up and killing his enemies. The Daily Mail reports that, since this is James Bond we’re talking about, as soon as he sees the new 007, he gets ready for a night of Martini and chill with her. But the importance of her character is far more than that of a stunning Bond Woman (because they’re no longer referred to as ‘girls’)
A movie insider said: ‘There is a pivotal scene at the start of the film where M says ‘Come in 007’, and in walks Lashana who is black, beautiful and a woman.
‘It’s a popcorn-dropping moment. Bond is still Bond but he’s been replaced as 007 by this stunning woman.
‘Bond, of course, is sexually attracted to the new female 007 and tries his usual seduction tricks, but is baffled when they don’t work on a brilliant, young black woman who basically rolls her eyes at him and has no interest in jumping into his bed. Well, certainly not at the beginning.’
So technically Lashana isn’t replacing Daniel Craig (so you can breathe now, Barbra Broccoli), but she will have tons of screen time to blow things up and kick lots of ass, and I’m 100% here for it! And though there still leaves the question of who will portray the next Bond, Phoebe wants everyone to know that whoever he is, it’s the franchise’s responsibility to make sure the character grows with the times.
“There’s been a lot of talk about whether or not Bond is relevant now because of who he is and the way he treats women. I think that’s bullshit. I think he’s absolutely relevant now. [The franchise] has just got to grow. It has just got to evolve, and the important thing is that the film treats the women properly. He doesn’t have to. He needs to be true to his character.”
FEMINISM’S ULTIMATE GOAL HAS BEEN REACHED!
So there you have it, a sistah is going to become 007 and history has been made. I’m sure a lot of people will have an issue with this decision, but they can go to hell. Lashana meets the minimum requirements to play the role; she’s hot and has an accent. Anything else she brings to the table is just the icing on the cake.