Open Post: Hosted By A Man And His Cat Named Spaghetti Who Both Wore Unusual Attire To Burgle A House

If you pull up to your house to find somebody has left a bottle of cider and a bunch of ceremonial knives on top of your car, the obvious conclusion is that there is probably a cat wearing a t-shirt in your crawl space. Like, I don’t know what else you’d expect, but somehow a Gresham, Oregon homeowner was actually surprised to find Spaghetti the cat (Never 4get the OG Spaghetti Cat) chilling in his crawl space, and Spaghetti’s owner, 38-year-old Ryan Douglas Bishop, also chilling in his crawl space while wearing his fiancé‘s “Christmas onesie”. I’m like, duh! Why else would there be a cat-shaped hole punched into the wall? But according to Fox 12, the homeowner was surprised nonetheless and called the police to report a burglary in progress which was totally unfair to Spaghetti. He wasn’t the one who ate just the bottom part of a cupcake out of the refrigerator! #FreeSpaghetti

The homeowner said that he and his fiancé had recently purchased the house but hadn’t moved in all the way yet. They came by and found some items on top of their car. Upon entering the house they heard noises coming from the crawl space so dude went to investigate. That’s when Spaghetti sauntered out. Fox 12 reports:

Officers responded to a report of a burglary in progress near Southeast 180th and Alder Street at 3:45 p.m. Sunday.

The homeowners reported finding damage to their home and items inside that didn’t belong to them. They then heard noises from the crawl space beneath the house.

They opened the crawl space door and a cat came out wearing a “cat shirt,” according to officers.

Um, excuse me, but to Spaghetti, it’s just a shirt. Stop cat erasure! Also, what ding dong didn’t get a picture of Spaghetti in his shirt? I would like to see it. I demand #Justice4Spaghetti

Police said the homeowners believed “something or someone” much larger than the cat was also in the crawl space.

Officers arrived and the suspect, 38-year-old Ryan Douglas Bishop, emerged from the crawl space. The woman who lives in the home pointed out that Bishop was wearing her “Christmas onesie” pajamas.

Apparently, Ryan wanted some fresh clothes and took the onesie out of the dryer to wear (the homeowner requested it not be returned). Ryan also made himself a cup of coffee and took a tray of cupcakes out of the refrigerator and ate two and a half of them. Ryan must really be wrestling with some inner demons. What kind of a person leaves just the frosting part of a cupcake uneaten?

Bishop was booked into the Multnomah County Jail on charges of burglary, theft and criminal mischief.

Animal control was called out to deal with the uncooperative Spaghetti.

Thankfully, Spaghetti was collected the next day by Ryan’s grandmother. Here’s the homeowner being extremely gracious about the entire incident.

This story reminds me of the time I came out of my apartment on Christmas day to find somebody had left a duffel bag next to my car. I just knew I had to open it, so I found a pair of gloves, and very cautiously and with my heart in my throat, unzipped it. It was full of dildos! I had somewhere to be so left it there and when I came back several hours later it was gone.

Pic: Gresham Police Department