Hot Slut Of The Day!

If you’re screaming, “Michael, I’m done with you for making Justin Bieber a Hot Slut!“, then you’re probably the same trick who mistook a stunningly magnificent trespassing bear for fucking John Travolta! Lens Crafters is calling you, and in the meantime, today’s HSOTD isn’t that tiny little baby bird who is doing an A++ impersonation of the hole pic I send prospective Grindr hook-ups. Today’s HSOTD is the drunk hero who saved that baby bird’s young life!

Sure, many drunks are obnoxious wrecks who are only capable of making shitty decisions while drunk (see: me making the decision to watch Murder Mystery while drunk over the weekend), but there are some drunks whose brain’s Decision Making Department is still able to produce a good decision or two. Take today’s unnamed HSOTD, a drunk dude in Northern Utah who found a down-and-out orphaned baby bird on the ground and made his first good decision by choosing to rescue the poor thing, and made his second good decision by calling an Uber to take him to a wildlife rehabilitation center in Ogden since he was too drunk to drive.

The Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah gave it up for the drunk hero on Facebook, and says that the baby bird they named Petey is thin and thirsty (Thin and thirsty?! He should be an Instagram influencer.), but is getting better and will return to the wild in a few weeks.

“How the fuck are you going to use my likeness in an Uber ad without paying up” is definitely what that baby bird is chirping in that picture. Petey Bird may be thirsty and hungry, but he’s not stupid.

But really, I salute the mysterious drunken bird savior for saving a baby bird in his time of need while ten shades of drunk. Because the only sad and busted bird I’ve picked up after a night of drinking is an overcooked rotisserie chicken at the grocery store.

Pic: Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah