Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber Losing To Mariah Carey In The Bottle Cap Challenge
Another year, another viral internet “challenge” has been ruined by Justin Bieber. Over the past few years, Justin’s participated in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (after it had already been won by Phoebe Price), the Mannequin Challenge (after Boston the Boxer had already shut down the competition), the In My feelings Challenge (already won by a hot doc), and least successfully, the Comport Yourself Like You Have A Lick Of Sense challenge. In each of those instances, Justin’s been too late. It’s as if every viral challenge is instantly rendered lame the moment Justin’s assistant types “#…” on his Instagram post. Now he’s done the Bottle Cap Challenge, which was started by started by Kazakh taekwondo champion Farabi Davletchin, and popularized by Jason Statham and our former HSOTD, the chancla ninja. The Challenge as you know: Unscrew the lid off a bottle with a roundhouse kick. The Challenge Killer: Justin’s shirtless torso and under-drawers waistband talking about kicking Tom Cruise’s head in. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a loser. #GameOver
What started off as a fun, family friendly activity, took a sour and violent turn at the hands, ok, at the foot of Justin Bieber. Not only did Justin challenge his imaginary rival Tom to do the challenge, he announced, “this could be Tom Cruise’s head” before launching into an unimpressive Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dignity spiral.
This is made even more embarrassing given the fact that just the previous day, Mariah Carey had already won the challenge, making any further attempts pointless and dull. Justin couldn’t be bothered to bathe, let alone get dressed, whereas Mimi came through wearing a sequins corset. And Mimi nailed that shit in a way only Mimi could (and I don’t mean by blasting the bottle cap off with a mighty champagne belch).
If you scrutinized this video looking for a hidden fishing line or any other clue as to how this was done, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not believe in the power of Mariah’s high C? Did you not hear about the time she spent teetering up and down the halls of Cedars-Sinai shattering tumors and effectively curing cancer with her golden pipes? Yes, Mimi did that shit. So it’s an official wrap on the Bottle Cap Challenge. Notice how she didn’t bother to challenge anybody else. Mariah has spoken/shrieked.