Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 8, 2019 / Posted by:

If you’re looking at that picture and thinking, “Ugh, why won’t that scum paparazzi just let John Travolta live his life, get in his car, and drive to his massage therapist appointment?!“, you need to slap your brain and get your eyes fixed. John Travolta wishes he had luxuriously natural fur like that! You can’t get that luxurious hair on a lace front, bitch! This is an actual bear who has shown birdmanity, catmanity, and raccoonmanity that bearmanity is also a contender to take over humans and rule the world by opening a minivan door. Hell, that’s more than I accomplished all weekend. This bear IS smarter than your average gossip blogger named Michael K. Although, who isn’t?!

While Sir Richard Attenborough’s successor was driving through a neighborhood in the Dollywood-adjacent city of Gatlinburg, Tennessee, she spotted a furry car jacker sniffing around an unlocked minivan parked in a driveway and started recording and narrating. As Goldilocks’ thieving bear protege tried to figure out how to get into the minivan, the woman dropped some riveting narration like, “She just opened the car like a person.. My… God. There she goes… in the car.”

The bear got into the minivan, sniffed around, nibbled on any crumbs they found, and then sauntered out. Our narrator’s video cut off before we could find out what happened. THE CLIFFHANGER of it all!

So what exactly happened? Well, just 1,400 miles away in Boulder, CO, a bear stole a vehicle, crashing it before fleeing the scene!

Hmmm… So obviously the bear thief of Gatlinburg realized they were being recorded and that the police would bust ’em any minute, so they hot-wired that minivan and headed west where they crashed that minivan and jacked another getaway car before crashing that one too. So be on the lookout forĀ the Latarian Milton of bears who may break into your car next! I’m not worried about this car jacking bear stealing my car, because for some reason (the reason being I have shit taste in music), every time I turn on my car, it connects through Bluetooth to my phone, and the first song it plays is an O-Town song. So as soon as that bear hot-wired my car and that song hit their ears, they’d run away screaming for mercy.

Pic: rumble

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