The Blue Bell Ice Cream Licker Has Been Identified

July 6, 2019 / Posted by:

The ice cream freezer cases in our local markets have become places of distrust and unease ever since one girl decided to open a perfectly innocent tub of Blue Bell Ice Cream, lav it with her demented tongue, and then close it up and put it back in the case. Now people are stuck making their own ice cream at home and the homemade stuff always has that weird aftertaste that makes you wish for Ben & Jerry’s. But now, the Blue Bell Licker has been identified by local police. And she’s a youth!

News4SA in San Antonio reports that Lufkin, Texas PD (and their crack Twitter investigation team which probably consists of angry ice cream fans across the world with the time to track a bitch down for her crimes against dairy) tweeted about finding the malefic teen. They can’t name her because she’s under 17.

We have identified the “Blue Bell licker” as a juvenile from San Antonio. Under Texas law, anyone under the age of 17 is considered a juvenile.

The suspect is tied to the Lufkin area through her boyfriend’s family. We have spoken with her boyfriend, who is an adult, as well. They were both forthcoming with what occurred and admitted to the act.

It turns out that the cops were thrown into a web of intrigue because a “catfish” claimed responsibility (as well as the flu) and it briefly threw their investigation off.

It was actually the catfish and NOT our suspect who bragged on Instagram about the incident saying:

“Yeah, I really did that. You can call it Flu Bell ice cream now ‘cause I was a lil sick last week. Repost yourself doing this. Let’s see if we can start an epidemic (literally).”

That person’s as bad as, if not worse, than that nasty-tongued teen because they obviously got their thrillies from thinking about giving other people the flu and trying to start an “epidemic.”

You can read the full post from the cops below. The Lufkin PD aren’t going to charge her with anything (her adult boyfriend is still being investigated) and leaving it up to the “juvenile justice system” as to what happens to her. My vote’s for the chair. You don’t mess with ice cream. It’s some people’s only friend and comfort.

Pic: Lufkin PD

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: [email protected]

alt="drupal analytics" >