On the Fourth of July, it’s a day of rest for many, but not for Joey Chestnut’s insides who spend part of the day screaming MERCY! as he swallows down more wieners and eats more buns than a circuit boy slut during White Party Weekend (yes, I typed that while filling up with ten clouds of jealousy). For the past 15 years, Joey Chestnut has been turning his stomach into a sausage factory by competing in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, and he’s won that bitch 12 times including this year, his fourth year in a row. And I’m sure that while I’m enjoy half a hot dog with my meal of a keg of beer, Joey’s nalgas are glued to a toilet seat as his caca-making parts rumble harder than my ass did earlier today.
Joey swallowed down 71 franks and buns in 10 minutes, easily blowing a butt tornado at his competition who ate his dust along with hot dogs. Darron Breeden came in second with 50 franks and buns. Even though Joey is once again the King Of Wiener Swallowing (a title I’ve spent my WHOLE life trying to get), he disappointed himself, because he was hoping to beat the record he made last year. via The New York Post
But the astounding feat of eating was three wieners short of his own 2018 record of 74 dogs — and Chestnut said he is still hungry to reach 75.
“I’m a little disappointed, but I got to win. I annihilated the competition,” the 35-year-old told reporters afterward.
“I’m not full, I have plenty of room. I practice and I love this. I just need to find a way to move a little bit faster. Find a way that will help me break the record.”
As for the women, Miko Sudo won for the sixth time with 31 dogs. Former HSOTD Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, who holds the all-time women’s record with 45 dogs, gave her insides the year off and didn’t compete this time around. Here’s Joey and the rest of the dudes looking like they’re barfing backwards:
And before the competition, Joey showed ESPN how he trains:
— ESPN (@espn) July 3, 2019
And I’d bet my monthly weed budget that training for a hot dog gobbling test and preparing yourself to take on Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda look exactly the same.
Happy Fourth, all!