Legend has it that one time when Tommy Lee was vacationing in Vancouver, the 460-foot Capilano Suspension Bridge collapsed, leaving many people unable to get to the other side. Tommy simply shrugged, pulled out his life-saving dick, lasso’d it to the other side, and accepted warm hugs of gratitude from the people who safely got across by walking on his temporary bridge dick. So, you’d think that a dude with a big dick wouldn’t feel like he has anything to prove, but even big dick-havers feel like they have something to prove for no reason. Case in point: 56-year-old Tommy Lee posted a picture of his 32-year-old wife of 4 months Brittany Furlan in a two-piece, and let us all know that she’s so natural, organic, and grass-fed that even Gwyneth Paltrow would eat her.
While on vacation in Mexico, Tommy took a picture of ex Vine star Brittany, and posted it to his Instagram over the weekend. Tommy’s chalk body outline is probably on the floor of that hotel, because Brittany obviously murdered him for posting a picture of her looking hot in a bikini, something she’s never done before. Tommy also had to let us know that if Brittany was produce, you’d find her in the organic section.
As the makers of Tupperware titty bowls cried tears of sadness over losing ex-titty implant lover Tommy (see: his marriage to one-time silicone goddess Pamela Anderson) to the natural side, some commenters claimed that their silicone-sniffing dogs sniffed plastic in Brittany’s boobs, even through the screen. That led to Brittany calling out the jealous haters by posting a text conversation she had with a friend about her all-natural chichis. via Metalhead Zone
I feel SEEN by Sharon, but it was either write about this or Ed Sheeran’s ketchup commercial. And really, this is the most important story of the week, and I’m sure Trump will hold a special press conference where he’ll announce whether or not he thinks Tommy Lee’s fourth wife is 100% natural or not. Seriously, this is going to happen.