To the excitement of her fans (and the chagrin of many others), Taylor Swift dropped the video for “You Need To Calm Down” this morning, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from Taylor’s newest era. In case you’re not up to speed, Country Taylor was replaced by I LUV BOYS Taylor who was replaced by Girl Power Taylor who was replaced by Revenge Taylor who has been most recently replaced by Gay Pride Taylor. Because a stone wall is no longer just a way to keep the regulars out of her multi-million dollar summer home.
The video opens with Taylor waking up in the trailer park equivalent of the rainbow pastel suburb from Edward Scissorhands. She spends the day hanging out in her pool and dancing with friends while homophobes protest her Gayborhood. Taylor appears to have channeled her inner Erika Jayne for this video, except her version is to give the gays what she thinks they want, which is apparently pink champagne slushies, rainbows, Todrick Hall, a drag queen pageant, tea (literal tea), Netflix’s Queer Eye, and a cake fight.
The video is chock full o’ famous people (and also some internet celebrities). It’s like a follow-up to “Bad Blood,” but called “Yaaas Sis.” RuPaul (as well as several RuPaul’s Drag Race queens, including Jade Jolie as the drag version of Taylor), the Queer Eye Fab 5, Ellen DeGeneres, Adam Lambert, Hayley Kiyoko, Dexter Mayfield, Adam Rippon, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Justin Mikita, Ciara, Laverne Cox, Ryan Reynolds, Hannah Hart, Chester Lockhart, and May 2019 Hot Slut of the Month Billy Porter, who actually looks deeply disgusted that Taylor would ever put him in such sad Chico’s flyer drag.
But then, much like how Kendall Jenner solved racism, Taylor solves homophobia when two of the redneck protesters put down their signs and join the food fight. But the biggest “LOVE WINS” moment of all is when Taylor spots a forlorn Katy and did what we figured they were going to do by embracing and thus ending their feud. After years of hissing at each other on social media, in interviews, with cliques, and through song, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift have officially made up. She even tweeted about it after the video dropped.
A happy meal 🍔 🍟 💗 pic.twitter.com/hPAbOZEsKF
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) June 17, 2019
I know Taylor and Katy aren’t known for being subtle, but hugging a former enemy that’s wearing a costume featuring the kind of giant, heavily-processed piece of overcooked beef that’s bound to make you reach for the Pepto is a little too on-the-nose, even for them.