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June 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Stretch Serpent!

Nowadays if you said you were stretching the serpent, it would mean you’re jacking off, or you’re a pilates instructor to snakes and are in the middle of a class, or you’re the private chiropractor of Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda (yes, The Hammaconda has its own chiropractor). But back in the 1970s, stretching the serpent also meant playing with a toy that slithered out of a meth lab in the Ninth Circle to terrorize humanity!

After Stretch Armstrong became a hit in 1976, his maker, Kenner, put out all sorts of Stretch toys like Stretch X-Ray, Stretch Monster, Stretch Superman, Stretch Octopus, etc… etc… It also put out Stretch Serpent, which Stretch collectors say is The Elusive Chanteuse of the Serpent toys, because not many are known to exist in this entire planet. That’s just awful, because what this world needs is tons upon tons of Lucifer-made toys that look like the Loch Ness Monster’s jizz fish after freebasing freon. via Stretch Armstrong World

The Kenner Stretch Serpent is probably the most obscure stretch in existence today. Unlike other rare stretch figures that you can at least find some information on, the Serpent slithers into the murky deep waters of obscurity leaving no trace of its existence.There is only one real reference to the serpent on the internet that verifies its existence with a picture from a store catalog. Serpent is truly an astounding collectors dream.

And because you’ve been screaming for more horrifying pictures of some sad trick who made a deal with Ursula the Sea Witch and didn’t come through on that deal, here’s another one:

Well, there might not be a lot of Stretch Serpents living on land, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that billions of them aren’t living underground, just waiting for the perfect moment to bust out of the soil and strike! And so, we all should carry a one hitter just in case,┬ábecause Stretch Serpents are obviously mega stoners and we can tame them with the promise of a bowl.

Pics: Live Auctioneer, Stretch Armstrong World

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