Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 11, 2019 / Posted by:

The custom-made Timothee Chalamet ventriloquist doll from twink hell!

Since you’re wondering, yes, Ed and Lorraine Warren are dead, so no they can’t make a visit to your place to rid the air of the demonic demon that has obviously drifted out of the eyes of that possessed piece of twink wood and into your house forever! Depending on what you’re into, either hide the peaches or put them out where they’re easy to find, because that thing is definitely going to fuck a load of splinters into ’em.

Just when I think I’ve heard of every fucked-up kink out there, someone makes a Timothee Chalamet doll. Now, a Timothee Chalamet doll may make me throw you a look that says, “Errr, are you making merchandising for NAMBLA on the hush because he looks 12,” as you call 911. But a Timothee Chalamet dummy?! That is some twink reboot of Dead Silence shit, and will make you reach for the holy water you keep near your computer for dark-sided situations like this while trying to remember “the power of Christ compels you” chant from The Exorcist.

But one ventriloquist figure artiste decided to use their skills to make a Pinocchio Timothee Chalamet (Timotheeio?) in the Louis Vuitton harness he wore to the Golden Globes this year. Congratulations to that ventriloquist figure artiste, because they may have created a kink that’s never been searched for on PornHub. You broke the kink Matrix!

Let’s get a closer look at this abomination, crucifixes up!

If you really want your soul to shrivel as you stare into the demonic eyes of this beautiful nightmare creature, you don’t have to wait until you meet it in HELL. It’s currently up for sale on eBay for the very low price of justĀ $122,795.00! And sorry, because it’s already the price of a 2 bedroom house in Buffalo (aka CHEAP), they aren’t including the stand.

You are bidding on a one of a kind, handcrafted Timothee Chalamet ventriloquist figure, dressed in a recreation of the Louis Vuitton outfit worn to the 2019 Golden Globes, complete with beaded and sequined harness. Head, hands and ankle boots were all hand sculpted and wardrobe was custom made. Figure stands 26 inches tall and also sits independently. Body is made of white pine, upholstered in foam and quilted fabric. Head is controlled from inside body (accessed from back) by a head stick, which is outfitted with a spring loaded head lock, to keep head in place when not in use. Makes a perfect gift for any occasion, from baby shower to bar mitzvah! Sorry, due to the very low price on this, stand is not included.

That ad is obviously some certified trolling, but I’m sure it’ll sell. Because who wouldn’t want to clear out their 401k to put this in their bedroom, and feel its evil gaze on them as they shut their eyelids to sleep?

Honestly, that possessed wooden twink goblin has beautiful eyes. So if you’re going to get every breath in your body sucked out by a Satanic puppet, you may as well have some beautiful eyes to look at.

Pics: eBay

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