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June 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Pixel Chix!

After Tamagotchi became the IT toy of the late-90s and early-aughts, other toy companies tried to get a piece by putting out their own Tamagotchi-like toys. Mattel did just that in 2005 by mashing together Tamagotchi and Polly Pocket to create Pixel Chix! Like Tamagotchi, Pixel Chix was a needy, annoying bitch who demanded your attention at all times and caused you to want to throw it into the trash can. Kind of like dating me except Pixel Chix didn’t dutch oven you in the morning.

Pixel Chix was a miniature house made up of a living room, kitchen, and dining room. There were three pixel girls living inside, and you’d feed them, tell them when to go to sleep, and make them watch TV whenever they’d get at your ass to pay attention to them. They were like low-budget Sims. The more you took care of them, the more options you’d get for food and clothes and such. You could also link up your Pixel Chix house with your friend’s Pixel Chix house, and let your pixel girls visit with each other, and I’m sure they secretly plotted to murder their owners.

If you continually ignored your Pixel Chix, she’d eventually go away and the game would end for you. You’d have to start all over again. Pixel Chix was basically like a G-rated cam girl, and the one in this commercial was totally a Lady Miss Kier fan-chix.

Pixel Girl was voiced by the legendary voice artiste Tara Strong, so you’d think it would’ve lasted forever with that kind of star power, but it didn’t. Mattel shut down Pixel Chix for good in 2009.

So across this world, there’s thousands, if not BILLIONS, of abandoned Pixel Chix in storage boxes, Salvation Army bins, dumpster piles, and under-bed shoe boxes of nerd boys who keep it because it was their first girlfriend. One day those Pixel Chix will all come alive, join forces, and control the universe, and we’ll be the ones waiting around for them to feed us pixel burgers and dress us in pixel bikinis.

Pic: Amazon

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