Cardi B, did what she does best, which should be rapping, but is actually just getting in front of a camera and going off about whatever. Cardi B let us know on Instagram Live about these recent stories that she had to cancel shows in order to recover from getting her tits done and lipo. She wants the “haters‘ to know two things. One: go fuck yourself. Two: she is losing millions because of this, so please refer back to One.
Complex reports that Cardi B has had it up to here with all of you hating-ass bitches who judge her for getting her tits done and lipo. Cardi wants you to know that if she wants to get herself a boob job, she is going to get herself a boob job. And it is nunyabidnez:
“Oh: ‘You lazy, you shoulda just worked out’–this and that–what I want–I do whatever the fuck I want to my body. Let me tell you something bitch: I do what the fuck I want. And I don’t have the time of day like you do–like, my job, as a entertainer, is a 24-hour job, bro. So… no I don’t have time to work out, and I wanted specific things that I know that no matter how much I work out is not gonna get fixed. Like my boobs: no matter how much I work out, they were not gonna lift themselves. So yeah, I had to get fuckin’ surgery. That’s right. All right? So stop it.”
Oh yeah, you hear that you piece of shit working 9-5 who wakes up at 6:00am to get ready for the two hour commute, gets home at 7:15pm, cooks food for your children (which they complain about before you have to help them with their homework assignment due the next day they didn’t tell you about), and stay up until 9:45pm to finish it before your husband, who is already asleep in bed, farts on your leg after you crawl in next to him at 11:00pm and can’t fall asleep until well after midnight because you remembered you forgot to do something. CARDI B DOESN’T HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU!
Cardi then gets interrupted by a phone call before returning to her tale about her doctor giving her a time out:
“Then on top of that, like, my stitches around my boobs on the outside: they’re completely healed, but the inside you know you still got stitches on the inside of my breast, so they slowly gotta heal. And then on top of that my doctor was like; ‘Yo you cannot be doing all these shows, because you’re not fully healed, and I keep telling you this and then if something happens to you, you’re gonna try to blame me, and it’s because I told you you gotta take some time off’. So like, it’s like I gotta take some times off so I can completely heal, so I can completely be good and then on top of that, I also… You know: I hate cancelling shows because I love money. I’m a money addict. And I get paid a lot of money–a lot of money for these shows… a lot of money. Like I’m cancelling millions of dollars in shows, but like: health is wealth so I have to do what I have to do.”
Well, look on the brightside, Cardi, less money means less taxes. Cardi also apologized for the cancelations, even though she is clearly the real victim here after all that monayyyyyy she lost out on:
“I really wanna apologize to my fans… it was in the news …. and that why I told the people who booked me: ‘Let them know ahead of time that I’m gonna cancel these shows.’ but I don’t know how things work with promoters and stuff.”
I’m really sorry for Cardi B. You know, that she had to lose out on the millions? Like how else is she going to keep Kulture living in $80,000 diamonds? Not by sitting on her ass in the back of a car! …Well actually I guess she could do it selling that Tummy Tea, stuff. But careful not to blow out a stitch when you shit your calories away.
Here’s Cardi’s sermon from the back of a car: