Open Post: Hosted By The Meryl Streep Of African Painted Dogs

May 29, 2019 / Posted by:

That headline isn’t fair. That African painted dog isn’t the Meryl Streep of African painted dogs. Meryl Streep is the human of that African painted dog, because has she ever played dead so convincingly that it saved her from ending up dead in a lioness’ mouth? I think not! But that’s exactly what one African painted dog did. If you’re one of the lucky few who got an acceptance letter into Juilliard’s acting program, there’s a huge chance they’re going to snatch that letter back. Because they’re obviously going to give a spot to the most talented furry thespian since Robin Williams.

The Tony people really need to extend the rules to include performances done at the Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe, because there’s where this Tony-award performance happened. The wildlife YouTube channel Kruger Sightings says that two safari groups came upon a pack of wild dogs eating an antelope when a lioness showed up to switch up the game and bite at them instead. The lioness stalked the wild dogs before grabbing one by the neck. She sashayed around with the dog hanging out of her mouth, all lifeless, and many thought the pooch had already gone to heaven. The Lioness then spotted another dog and dropped the one she had in her mouth before running off after a fresher mark as the people screamed. The people thought they were watching a live wild dog killing spree go down, but then the dead dog delivered some “surprise, bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me” shit on that lioness. It miraculously rose from the dead and trotted on.

That dog didn’t die, it just played as dead as Melania Trump plays when Trump waddles into her bedroom with a horny look in his eye.

Both dogs ended up alive, and the lioness ended with nothing but a bruised ego since trick got tricked.

But who knew that Marion Cotillard is such a massive lover of the endangered African painted dog that she traveled to Zimbabwe to teach them how to deliver an amazingly realistic death performance that will fool their rivals!

Nobody has ever fake died like Marion Cotillard fake died in The Dark Knight Rises until that African painted dog fake died. Now THAT is the live-action reboot of The Lion King (re-titled to The African Painted Dog King) I want to see.

Pic: YouTube

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