Every good villain needs an animal sidekick for them to slowly pet as their mind fills with diabolical plans of destruction, like destroying JLo’s reputation as the biggest ice cold diva terror on any set, and destroying any tiny shreds of respect that the cast and crew of your show had for you. And Constance Wu has an animal sidekick in her pet bunny named Lida Rose! Don’t let that cutesy furry face fool you, Lida Rose (that’s a really hot and perfect name for a villain sidekick, honestly) is more than happy to carry out her malevolent mistresses’ wicked plans, and Lida Rose has a not-so-secret weapon: her butthole. Lida Rose’s ass is more destructive than that of a newbie bottom while getting butt boned right after eating Taco Bell and not douching.
Page Six has got Constance Wu’s number, hussy. They are after her ass. After Constance Wu threw a Twitter tantwum over Fresh Off The Boat getting renewed (because it meant she’d have to give up a passion project), Page Six came out with a story from crew members on the movie Hustlers who claimed that working with Constance has been as pleasant as getting toe fucked by a sloth with Athlete’s Foot. And now they’re saying that Constance Wu left a rented $6.5 million Manhattan penthouse looking like the aftermath of a bunny scat orgy.
Constance lived in the Chelsea penthouse while filming Hustlers, and sources say that as she wreaked havoc on set, Lida Rose’s poon and pooter wreaked havoc on their rented apartment. The owner of the penthouse supposedly didn’t know that Constance was going to bring along Lida Rose, but found out the bunny was there after the housekeeper, who was hired to clean the place once a week, found bunny shit and pee everywhere. There were even bunny butt balls on the bed, so I guess Constance loves Lida Rose so much that she doesn’t mind picking flattened shit spheres off of her check after rolling over on some.
“The place totally stank, it was disgusting, there were little pellets of poo everywhere, and Constance seemed oblivious to it. She seems to sleep with the bunny, and there was even poop in the bed.”
After the housekeeper let the owner know that Constance Wu (or “Constance Poo “as the owner probably calls her) is the Queen Anne of today, she was told several times to keep Lida Rose in a bunny house or she and her sidekick bunny would be put on the curb. But Constance has a reputation as the reboot of Katherine Heigl to uphold, so she allegedly ignored the warning and let Lida Rose roam around.
But a difference source has come to Constance and Lida Rose’s defense and said the owner knew about the bunny and that Lida wasn’t a problem.
“The owner of the property was told in advance before Constance arrived that she had a pet rabbit, and the rabbit pen arrived before they did. Constance was not asked to leave the apartment and she actually stayed longer than intended. Her stay was extended for a few weeks, so they couldn’t have had a problem with her or her pet.”
When I was a tween, my mom let me have a pet bunny, a bunny I oh-so-creatively named “Bunny.” Like Constance, allegedly, I was gross and sometimes let Bunny roam around freely in my room, and so the floor was covered with rabbit shit mines everywhere. But that’s nothing. Early one morning, I woke up to the sound of water gushing. I got out of bed, noticed I left my bedroom door open the night before, and went out into the hallway, which was completely flooded. Bunny had chewed through the toilet’s mesh plumbing hose and caused a mess!
What I’m getting at is that if you’re a villain in need of an animal sidekick, get a bunny. They will fuck shit up and their path of destruction will stretch out for decades. I’m still finding Bunny’s poo balls in my bedroom, and I don’t even live in that house anymore.