In his new memoir, Kardashian koven kastoff Lamar Odom admits he used someone else’s piss from a prosthetic dick to pass a drug test so he could compete in the 2004 Olympics. This is so disappointing. Someone who would date a Kardashian did something shifty? Why, it’s like finding out Kerri Strug was doping.
People has an excerpt from Lamar’s new memoir Darkness to Light in which he talks about the time he was offered a spot on the 2004 U.S. Men’s Olympic Basketball team. Lamar knew that “one of the biggest honors” of his career might not happen because his chemically-enhanced pee could douse the torch of his Olympic dreams.
“The joy of being named to the twelve-man roster quickly turned to anxiety when Olympic officials informed me that I would have to pass a drug test before officially joining the team.”
The USA basketball drug tester was coming to Lamar Odom’s house in a few days and he’d “been smoking weed every day that summer.” He began to panic but then started Googling “fake piss dicks”. And things got a little spicy! Lamar could have had a career in erotic fiction.
“We started googling ‘fake penises’ and studied different ways to beat a drug test,” he writes. “After an exhaustive search we ordered a giant, rubber, black c— to arrive the next day.”
Lamar’s drug-free trainer peed into the fake dick’s fake balls for him.
“He handed me the rubber penis and left the bathroom as I strapped it on,” Odom writes about his trainer.
Get it, Lamar!
“I unzipped my pants and carefully slid the fake penis through the zipper hole. To get the pee to come out of the tip, I had to squeeze the shaft repeatedly,” Odom writes.
Was Lamar squeezing his actual shaft when he was writing this? *fans self*
Lamar passed even after the tester used a thermometer to gauge the temp of the piss.
He also addresses his obvious sex and drug addictions in his new book, and how they ruined his relationship with Khloe Kardashian.
A fake dick with a piss reservoir sounds a lot easier than taking a Ziploc bag of someone’s else’s urine to a convenience store and heating it up in the microwave before hitting the testing center. That wasn’t me but I have a relative who left his in for too long. And it burst. Let’s just say there was a Cumby’s on Boston’s South Shore that reeked of THC-infused piss for a while. And yes – it was a Ziploc bag. Not Pyrex, Rubbermaid or Tupperware. Not even a Ziploc container. A bag. I’m trash and I come from trash.