Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Patty Ratburn from Arthur!

Two pieces of information made my brain perk up yesterday. The first was the fact that Arthur still makes new episodes and is in its 22nd season. I thought that the memory of Arthur was being kept alive thanks to reruns and memes, but Arthur lives! The second was the fact that Arthur’s teacher Nigel Ratburn loves dick and got married to a dude aardvark in the 22nd season’s first episode titled Mr. Ratburn & The Special Someone, which also features his spotlight stealing power lesbian rat sister Patty!

The episode starts with Arthur and his little friends finding out that Mr. Ratburn is engaged to be married, and they refuse to believe it, because they don’t believe that teacher’s have lives besides school. It’s kind of like when you were a kid and saw your teacher at the supermarket. My mind had to be rebooted when I saw my fourth grade teacher at the supermarket because I didn’t think that was possible.

The kids then see Mr. Ratburn having lunch with a power bitch vision of fabulousness and think she’s his fiancee. The power bitch rat is getting on Mr. Ratburn for being too soft, and that makes Arthur and friends worry that she’s going to make him miserable, which means he’s going to make his students miserable. SELFISH, thy name is Arthur and friends. They come up with a plan to sabotage the wedding, but when they get there, they find out that the hot power bitch rat is actually Mr. Ratburn’s control freak sister Patty (voiced by Jane Lynch). And Mr. Ratburn is marrying a dude aardvark named Patrick who obviously knows his way around a flatiron.

Mr. Ratburn came out, married a dude, and it wasn’t even a big deal to the kids. HOMOPHOBIA IS OVER!

As TVLine points out, in 2005, the Arthur spin-off Postcards from Buster did an episode where Buster goes to Vermont to learn about maple syrup and meets a bunch of kids with lesbian moms. Some stupid ass parents went into THINK OF THE CHILDREN mode, and the Secretary of Education at the time demanded that PBS return all government funding that went into that episode. PBS pulled the episode, but some markets chose to air it.

So you just know One Million Moms (aka four moms whose husbands cheated on them with a man and left them so now they’re spending their time raging over gay stuff) is going to scream at PBS over the cute gay wedding on Arthur. And when they do, PBS should send Patty Ratburn to handle them. She’ll find time to take them down in between yelling at her clients about leasing a car and hosting a daytime talk show. Patty Ratburn is basically Ellen meets Suze Orman.

You can watch the full episode here, and no, it doesn’t show Mr. Ratburn eating all the cake, and I doubt he did. He was too busy swallowing up the open bar because it was the only way to deal with all those kids actually showing up!

Pic: PBS Kids

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