Amy Schumer Told Us What She Named Her Baby, And I’m Already Passing Him Name Change Forms

May 8, 2019 / Posted by:

If you thought that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge naming their son Archie and not giving him a title was cruel and usual punishment, then stop it, he’s a royal, will never have to worry about a negative bank account balance, and can ask his cousin, Future King George, to send any bitches to the guillotine for making fun of him. Besides, you should really direct your sympathy to Amy Schumer’s son, because no amount of Rectiv ointment is going to heal him of the pain he’ll suffer through when he realizes what his alleged name is. That’s if his mom isn’t fucking with us.

One day before Baby Master Archie arrived, Amy gave birth to her first child, one she made with her husband Chris Fischer. They announced their new son’s name last night. They gave him the first name of Gene, which isn’t that awful since there’s nothing awful about sharing a name with Gene Wilder. They gave him the middle name of Attell, which okay, still not bad, and is apparently a tribute to her comedian friend Dave Attell. And Chris’ last name is Fischer. Put that together and it’s Gene Attell Fischer, and say it really fast and it’s:

!!!GENITAL FISSURE!!!!

Below is poor baby Gene making the same face he’s going to make when he finds out his name sounds like GENITAL FISSURE!

 

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Gene Attell Fischer And his dad Chris. ?

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Amy Fischer is a comedian who has a sucio gutter brain like me, so she has to know what she did and she’s probably trolling. If so, slow clap for her. I am all for that kind of trolling. But if it’s not trolling and I was Baby Gene Attell, I’d make my mom sign a contract stating that she’ll never have another child. Because I wouldn’t want her to name a human Aine Elle Fischer, and because if I’m going to go through life with the name Genital Fissure, I am not going to split my inheritance.

Pic: Wenn.com

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