Cardi B Brought Blood Clot Glamour To The Met Gala

May 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Cardi B is reminding every girl that just because you have your period doesn’t mean you have to miss a party! You can just show up as your period, put some rubies on your nipples and make Aunt Flow your bitch.

Cardi B showed up at The Met Gala as used tampon of a Disney villainess. It was made by Thom Browne and had a ten foot train that looked like a gigantic Z Gallerie comforter. She also wore a crystal encrusted head condom by milliner (which I just found out is a fancy word for hat maker) Stephen Jones. Then she put some $250,000 worth of rubies on her boobs and let everyone know what time of the month it was. And it took an entire damn team to get her ass up the steps:

According to The Hollywood Reporter

Upon closer inspection, the lavish, down-filled silk and organza gown by designer Thom Browne (that boasted a sweeping 10-foot train) was decorated with 44 carats-worth of rubies on her boobies. Valued at a whopping $250,000, the gems were a custom creation of jewelry designer Corina Mihaila Larpin’s luxe jewelry brand Stefere.

“Kollin came to Stefere and asked if we could create ruby nipples for Cardi B. — of course, we said, ‘Yes!’ Next challenge was to find the right size and shape to create the perfect pair of ruby nipples for Cardi,” Larpin told THR. “Now we think everyone should have a pair of ruby nipples.”

Did he say everyone? That’s a lot ruby nipples. I struggle to keep up with basic hygiene and clean yoga pants but sure let’s make ruby nipples a thing.

The singer’s dress, in an oxblood red hue, was further embellished with hand-embroidered bugle beads and 30,000 burned and dyed feathers and took 35 people over 2,000 hours to create.

Ok, so this sounds like a lot of time and money to create a pro-Free Bleeding gown, but okay, I’m here for it. And Nicki may have been here for it too, because that dress is so big Cardi B can’t reach down to pull off her shoe to throw at a bitch.


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