When the Marie Kondo “get rid of all your shit” revolution happened I didn’t understand why us “specialty collectors” (ok, hoarders) had been commanded to clear space in our houses with such a manic sense of urgency. At the time, the KonMari method felt a bit drastic, but now it all makes sense! Dolly Parton has just signed a deal for a complete lifestyle brand. Hole-E-Shit. Now I know why I was commanded to make room in my closets and cupboards- I needed space to fill up with everything and anything Dolly. Thank you, Marie Kondo!
It’s hard to believe that living legend Dolly doesn’t already have a lifestyle brand, when lesser “lifestyle ambassadors” have been peddling their yoni eggs and spatulas for years, but it’s true. Hollywood Reporter says the international deal was just made between Dolly and IMG on Thursday to include everything you didn’t know you were missing in your life, including fashion, jewelry, home goods and accessories:
“I am excited to be working with IMG on a global scale to give my fans products that they will cherish for years to come,” the eight-time Grammy award-winner tweeted. “You might even see my mug on a mug!”
In a statement, vp licensing Gary Krakower noted, “Dolly Parton is an international icon and we are thrilled to be working with her. Together, we look forward to building cohesive lifestyle brand products that will celebrate Dolly and bring her iconic style and personality to her millions of fans worldwide in engaging new ways.”
Will the collection include wigs and Dolly’s iconic skin tight acid washed denim fashions of the 1980s? What about an entire line of red bandana printed clothing and accessories? Will we be able to purchase saline breast implants that sing I Will Always Love You when they are pressed, similar to a Hallmark card that plays Happy Birthday when opened? Whatever the offerings, Reese Witherspoon needs to pack up her lifestyle shit now that the true Queen of Southern living has entered the arena.
I for one can not wait to see what offerings Dolly’s collection includes, and I apologize in advance to my family when the debt collectors show up because I’ve maxed out the credit cards on Dolly Parton’s butterfly shaped waffle makers and rhinestone encrusted car seat covers.