Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 4, 2019 / Posted by:

Jar Jar Binks Candy Tongue!

Today is May 4th, Star Wars Day, and it’s a May 4th that falls on the same weekend where Avengers: Endgame is probably going to be #1 at the box office again and the third to the last Game of Thrones episodes airs. If you leave the house today, bring an umbrella with you, unless you’re like me and are okay with nerd dicks falling on your head after they shoot off of their nerd owner from all of the nerdness this weekend is bringing. And well, your genitals may shoot right off of your body too from thinking of sitting and spinning on that Jar Jar Binks candy tongue.

Many Star Wars whores thought Jar Jar Binks was to Star Wars as Valerie Malone was to Beverly Hills, 90210, meaning he ruined the whole damn series. Not only was he more annoying than a light saber losing its charge (I’m no Star Wars whore, so I don’t know if that makes sense, but just go with it), but many thought he was a racial stereotype. (Although, Jar Jar may be on a redemption arc right now, because George Lucas claims Jar Jar is his favorite character and Ahmed Best, the actor behind Jar Jar, hopes things will turn around.)

But one thing that probably didn’t help at all with the hate thrown at Jar Jar was the candy tongue that terrorized humanity in 1999. The marketing team of Star Wars will slap the Star Wars name on anything to promote that shit (see: Star Wars oranges) and they did just that when they put out the Jar Jar Binks tongue candy to promote The Phantom Menace. Who knew that the real menace was Jar Jar’s candy tongue?

This mess was supposed to be for children. They wanted children to suck on Jar Jar Binks tongue! Was PedoBear running the marketing for Star Wars in the late-90s? With that being said, the candy tongue Jar Jar Binks wasn’t a totally horrifying idea, but it shouldn’t have been advertised to kids. That was just wrong.

This is obviously for the kind of Star Wars freak who has wet dreams of getting a sticky tongue job from Jar Jar Binks. Even Luke Skywalker himself came out as a rim-job-from-Jar-Jar-wanting sucio in 2017 when he declared the Jar Jar Binks candy tongue as the goofiest Star Wars item:

That messy thing definitely led to The Revenge of the Yeast Infection for some, so Star Wars missed out on an opportunity to pair this with yeast infection meds. May the Monistat be with you.

Pic: Inverse

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