Okay, that headline isn’t totally true. You probably felt like you got stabbed a dozen times with a hedgehog spike dipped in LSD while watching that CGI-ridden puddle of blue fuckery that was the Sonic The Hedgehog trailer. (That trailer has already taken friendships because I broke up with a friend who said that he’d totally fuck CGI Sonic. And no, that “friend” wasn’t one of the voices in my head. I think). But Pete Doherty says he got stabbed by an actual hedgehog.
The former object of my affection known as Dreamboat tweeted that he was out walking his two Siberian huskies, Zeus and Narco, late last Wednesday night when he got stabbed in the hand with a hedgehog spike. You might be thinking this was a drug deal or hook-up gone wrong, but Pete tweeted that his dogs tried to eat the hedgehog, and when he tried to free Sonic’s British second cousin, he got shanked in the hand. That not-knowing hedgehog! Pete is the junior Keith Richards. It’s going to take more than a puny hedgehog spike to take him down.
At first, Pete didn’t think he needed to go to the hospital and bandaged himself up with a t-shirt, but he had to take himself to the hospital after his fingers got infected. The Guardian says that Pete had to cancel an appearance on BBC Radio 5, but he’s expected to fully recover. He thanked the staff at the NHS for helping him out.
Zeus and Narco had the cute wee verminous Shnuffle shuffle Pig of the the Hedge in their gobs and I wrapped my hand in a tshirt and freed the wee bugger and got a tiny cut.. That was Wednesday night/Thursday morning..
— Peter Doherty (@petedoherty) April 30, 2019
Are we really sure it was a hedgehog? I mean, Pete’s dogs reportedly killed a cat, and he didn’t do anything to stop them and later blamed the cat’s human. So I bet that after Pete got stabbed in the hand by a “hedgehog,” a cackling cat was scene leaving the scene while taking off a hedgehog costume.