The swimwear featured in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition is usually ridiculous and highly impractical for the purpose of swimming. And so when SI decided to include Halima Aden, a Somali-American model and activist, in their annual gratuitous boob fest wearing a burkini, I thought we might actually get to see a sexy lady who could also save her own life in a shark attack by swimming away. I’m sorry to say that Halima’s SI swimwear isn’t breaking any new boundaries in aquadynamics, but she is the first woman in SI history to be photographed wearing a hijab and burkini. She proved once and for all that looking gorgeous and wearing simple, functional swimwear are incompatible.
Everybody’s getting in trouble for their role in the Jussie Smollett “event” (Happening? Occurrence? Parade of fuckery? That last one, I think), except Jussie himself. TMZ reports that Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx has been subpoenaed to appear in court to answer for her role in helping Jussie Matrix strut his ass home, practically scot-free.
A couple of weeks ago, documents came out that showed Kim was unable to sit there and eat her rice after “informally” recusing herself from the case. Text messages between herself and her top assistant calling Jussie a “washed up actor” but advising against “overcharging” him, completed the “not good” look. Now a retired appellate judge wants to drag this mess out further. All over a nasty Subway sandwich?!? Tuna at that! #TeamToGos
It looks like we’re growing ever closer to the end of days, my friends. Do you smell the brimstone bubbling in the skies? Feel the heat of the sulphuric rivers awaiting to burst from our feet, gushing a flaming, toxic death? If you aren’t seeing the writing on the wall, honey, let me help you out. Kanye West is maybe starting a religion.
I know, I know… it’s just supposed to be a place for all people to come and get spiritual– that’s how they all start. Next thing you know, they’re building statues of Kanye West in the centre of a walled-up commune where they have their own police force. And drones that fly overhead are shot down so no one can see inside without a satellite, and no one has heard from their loved ones who went there on a concert tour several years ago. More evidence of the end. Guess who’ll be First Lady of this Kult? The Koven’s former Botoxed-Supreme herself, Kim Kardashian West.
This Open Post is coming at you early, because I’ll be out for the rest of the day and all day tomorrow, and Mieka, Kristian, Deirdre, and Ben will handle all the foolery. I’ll be out until Thursday because I’m going to travel to London and stand out outside of Frogwhore Cottage and loudly wail as my arch rival Duchess Meghan gives birth to my other arch rival so that Prince Hot Ginge can hear my cries and know how he betrayed ME! No, like I’m allowed within 100 miles of Frogwhore. I’ll be out, because I’m getting my eyeball poked again, and not in a sexy way.
April 29th aka “Money by Monday, Randall” to anyone following the 50 Cent/Lala Kent (of Vanderpump Rules)/Randall Emmett drama has come and gone and 50 has succeeded in getting the $1 million Randall owed him. Effectively ending this saga and all of its beautiful memes.
People will recall HBO’s super successful series Sex and the City as groundbreaking television focused on sex and, well, the city. New York City to be precise. However, the New York portrayed on the show looked more like White Plains because everyone was basically white and plain. And don’t think that these misgivings went unnoticed by one of the show’s stars, Cynthia Nixon, and almost (not really) Governor of New York. Years after the show has ended, Cynthia is revealing her true feelings about SATC and why it would never fly in this day and age. Cynthia is still in politician mode!