Kim Kardashian West Won’t Be Your Average Pastor’s Wife If Kanye West Does Start His Kult

It looks like we’re growing ever closer to the end of days, my friends. Do you smell the brimstone bubbling in the skies? Feel the heat of the sulphuric rivers awaiting to burst from our feet, gushing a flaming, toxic death? If you aren’t seeing the writing on the wall, honey, let me help you out. Kanye West is maybe starting a religion.

I know, I know… it’s just supposed to be a place for all people to come and get spiritual– that’s how they all start. Next thing you know, they’re building statues of Kanye West in the centre of a walled-up commune where they have their own police force. And drones that fly overhead are shot down so no one can see inside without a satellite, and no one has heard from their loved ones who went there on a concert tour several years ago. More evidence of the end. Guess who’ll be First Lady of this Kult? The Koven’s former Botoxed-Supreme herself, Kim Kardashian West.

Since Kanye West performed his religious bastardization at Coachella, there’s been the impending threat of him taking it all the way and creating a full on Kult of the apocalypse–I mean–spiritual community. People already think that when he speaks to trees and wears oxymoronic-messaging that it’s “woke” and “means something” other than he’s an attention-starved, self-congratulating egotist. Well, now imagine people who love all that crazy shit, but worshiping in one location on a weekly basis. And guess what? Kim LOVES this idea. After all, she’s a good Christian. A source tells People:

“Kim is 100 percent on board with this. She’s a Christian, too, and she understands the importance of being spiritual.”

That should read: “She’s an opportunist, too, and she understands the importance of poisoning society for money.”

The source also says that this is getting real real. Like it’s so real that Kanye has been “consulting with spiritual advisors and leaders” while he decides what to do next and Kim will definitely have a major role in whatever that ends up being. But girl, she ain’t no pastor’s wife! No ma’am. You think you’re gonna see her sitting behind her husband while he preaches, wearing a dowdy muumuu? No! It’s slutty catsuits and berets only! And she won’t be sitting behind her husband, she’ll be helping new #1 Kylie Jenner sacrifice the purest in the audience in order to maintain their wealth and mother’s immortality.

“She wouldn’t be a traditional ‘pastor’s wife’ who organizes bake sales. But she will support him if he ever starts church. She’ll be there for it.”

Bake sales? Honey, the only thing baking in a Kardashian/Jenner household is one of their faces when their makeup artist comes in and puts it on for them.

This is going to be hands-down the most frightening religious televangelist family in human existence. After they make so much money, they lose control of the fillers and fill themselves with butt injections. It’s going to look like Kanye West shouting nonsense while standing in front of a row of bloated Madame Tussauds wax figures. I guess a demonic experience is still a religious one. Demons are a part of religion.

Pic: Instagram