Investors Say That Woodstock 50 Isn’t Happening, But Organizers Say Otherwise 

The 50th anniversary of the first Woodstock is this August, and to celebrate, a new festival from original organizer Michael Lang was planned. Woodstock 50 was scheduled to go down on the weekend of August 16 in Watkins Glen, NY. The lineup included Jay-Z, Chance The Rapper, Miley Cyrus, The Killers, Santana, The Lumineers, Robert Plant,  MELANIE !!!!, Greta Van Fleet, Halsey, Janelle Monae, Imagine Dragons, Dead and Co., and many more. But Miley can go ahead and return the daisy clit cozy and marijuana leaf pasties she planned to wear during her set, because there’s a very good chance that East Coast Coachella isn’t happening. This is good news for the people of Westwood Village because they were preparing themselves for a tremor when Janis Joplin rolled in her grave after Halsey took the stage at Woodstock.

Tickets for Woodstock 50 were supposed to go on sale April 22 (a 3-day pass was $450), but that was pushed back because of permit issues. But today, Dentsu, one of Woodstock 50’s main investors, said that they have canceled the festival, because it was turning into a mess and they don’t want Fyre Festival: Part Deux, which was a reboot of Woodstock 99.

“….despite our tremendous investment of time, effort and commitment, we don’t believe the production of the festival can be executed as an event worthy of the Woodstock Brand name while also ensuring the health and safety of the artists, partners and attendees. As a result and after careful consideration, Dentsu Aegis Network’s Amplifi Live, a partner of Woodstock 50, has decided to cancel the festival.  As difficult as it is, we believe this is the most prudent decision for all parties involved.”

Dentsu was apparently afraid that it would turn into a flaming shit show since they don’t think that Watkins Glen International Speedway, where Woodstock 50 was supposed to take place, can handle the 100,000-person festival.

Michael Lang, however, is going to place a call to his lawyers right after he calls Miley to tell her to not throw away that daisy clit cozy and marijuana leaf pasties. Because according to Woodstock 50’s promoters, the show is going on. They gave this statement to The Poughkeepsie Journal:

“Woodstock 50 vehemently denies the festival’s cancellation and legal remedy will (be) sought,” a statement from Woodstock 50 said.

Canceling it is a right move. We as a society wouldn’t want Woodstock 50 staining the pristine reputation of Woodstock 99, which wasn’t at all a charbroiled devil turd involving gang rapes, deaths, a fire, heatstroke, and Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit performing on the same day.

Besides, I don’t know how Michael Lang is going to go on with Woodstock 50 without the $$$. What is he going to do, hold it in the carport of a moderately priced AirBnB with Halsey as its lone headliner (since she’s the only one excited about that mess) and her opener being upstate New York’s third most successful Sha Na Na cover band? Actually, that sounds like my kind of festival.

Pic: Wenn.com