The Queen Will Not Be Having Donald Trump As A House Guest At Buckingham Palace

April 24, 2019 / Posted by:

Donald and Melania Trump’s summer travel plans are taking shape and they will include a long-delayed state visit to London in June. The Washington Post reports that the customary stay at Buckingham Palace during the 3-day visit will not be extended to the couple, even though the Obamas and George W. Bush were hosted there. THE QUEEN has bigger balls than I do when it comes to house guests. The last time my mother-in-law came to visit, I considered several elaborate ruses to avoid having her stay with us, but lost my nerve as I was contemplating buying a jar of bedbugs off of eBay. But The Queen don’t give a fwuck. Suddenly, Buckingham Palace is “undergoing renovations” so they can’t stay there. I see you Lizzy. Well played, Your Highness.

It’s too bad because it sounds like Donny was looking forward to it. He probably had plans on taking a tinkle on whatever bed Barack Obama slept in. According to the Washington Post:

During discussions about the upcoming trip, British officials informed administration officials that Trump would not be able to stay at Buckingham Palace — as is often the custom for state visits — because it is still undergoing renovations and only a few rooms were available. The administration replied that this was no problem; they could make just a few rooms work. But the British ultimately explained that they did not feel that they could give the president the proper treatment with the palace being renovated.

Luckily for the Trumps, there’s a moderately well-reviewed La Quinta Inn not far from the palace. If that doesn’t suit their needs, the Washington Post says they will probably stay at the Winfield House, the home of the United States Ambassador. It’s where he and Melania stayed/hid out last time they were in London. And if things go pear shaped back at home (fingers crossed), Donald can always hole out there for the next decade and ride it out like Julian Assange (via WAPO):

Trump’s 2018 visit was downgraded from a state visit to a working visit by May. Working visits are generally more low-key — although the visit still caused widespread protests. During his first trip to the Britain as president, Trump was strategically kept away from London, the capital, where thousands of protesters marched and sang in the streets.

Despite the inevitable protesters, Donald will still be expected to participate in some of the traditionals trappings of a state visit. While the Washington Post and The Daily Mail have differing opinions as to whether or not Trump will brave the crowds by riding in a formal procession, they both agree that The Queen will host him for a special banquet at the palace (via DM):

Special menus will be drawn up, taking into account the likes of the fast food-loving American leader. He may need a little extra prompting on the night of the banquet as, according to tradition, the menus are written in French, in which the Queen is all but fluent.

Sounds great, but if I had my way, she’d just have a shit-ton of Wimpy burgers delivered, set them up real nice on the good china, and label them “ambuger”.

Pfft, who am I kidding. That cretin would be thrilled with Wimpy burgers. Better to give him a fish fork and watch the panicked look on his face trying to figure out what it’s for.

Pic: YouTube

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