Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 21, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s Easter Sunday, and while I should be spending half of the day seeing how many Peeps I can shove into my greedy eating hole at one time, and spending the other half of the day on Grindr wondering if any tricks want to have an Easter egg hunt down my chonies (SPOILER ALERT: none do), I am going to spend the day on Lawyer.com to find a Lindsay Lohan-approved lawyer who will take my case. I need to sue everybody I know and every store I’ve been to from 2015 until now for not alerting me to the important existence of SWEETOS!

Frito-Lay put out Sweetos in Easter 2015, but I didn’t hear about them until a couple of days ago when a friend asked me if I’ve ever had Sweetos. “Sweetos” sort of sounds like toes dipped in sugar, which is what Quentin Tarantino has for dessert most nights. But Sweetos are what Chester Cheetah would ass-orgasm out if he did himself with a giant churro. They’re cinnamon sugar sweet puffs. Sweetos were only supposed to be around during the 2015 Easter season, and the bag had Chester Cheetah on the cover in Easter Bunny drag looking all cracked out, like he just mainlined a liquefied Peep. They were so popular that Frito-Lay kept them around.

I still haven’t found a bag of Sweetos (my Target will be hearing from my lawyers!) to swallow whole, but a writer at Maxim did in 2015 and described them like this:

Not bad. Sort of light and fluffy. I can probably eat the entire bag without getting si—oh man that sugar really hangs around after you finish these things. They’re kind of like sweetened (damn it). A cinnamon-sugar Sun Chip, but puffier.

It’s like someone took Rice Crispies, battered them in corn flower, and dusted them with the cinnamon sugar from Dunkin Donuts.

This is exactly like the cinna-sticks that Taco Bell used to serve with kids meals.

They had me at Taco-Bell Cinnamon Twists.

You know, if Jesus didn’t bust out the second coming of himself in 2015 when he landed back on Earth to slap down the tricks at Frito-Lay for not only giving people high cholesterol, but now giving them diabetes, then the second coming of Jesus is probably never happening.

On that note, Happy Easter, all!

Pic: Frito-Lay

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