Go ahead and put September 13 in your calendar now as the date you absolutely 100% need to stay home and wash your hair, your American Girl Doll’s hair, your cat’s hair, your neighbor’s hair, all the hair, because September 13 is the first confirmed date of the just announced Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj joint Summer/Fall tour. Just when you didn’t think the world could get a little more Ew, No or WTF?, a planned tour between Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj goes and happens.
Chris confirmed the tour on his Instagram stories, saying it would be this summer, not fall, even though the September 13 show at Prudential Center in New Jersey is the only upcoming date confirmed. Chris and Nicki have collaborated on several songs, including a new release by Chris called Wobble Up (also featuring G-Eazy) and they’ve worked together on at least four tracks from as far back as 2012, so this tour pairing makes sense from an “artistic” point of view as well as from a “both fame whores crave negative attention” standpoint.
According to Variety, Nicki just fired her longtime management company and is currently without any professionals to guide her business making decisions. After cancelling her North American tour with Future last year, cancelling shows on her European tour, getting smacked by Cardi’s shoe and shacking up with a registered sex offender, does Nicki really think she should be guiding her own decisions right now?
And what can you say about Chris that isn’t already totally obvious to point to his assholery? Rolling Stone once printed a timeline of his abuses towards women, and he still stans so hard for Michael Jackson post Leaving Neverland, I wouldn’t be surprised if an MJ hologram shows up somewhere on this Chris and Nicki tour. Why shouldn’t it?
The September 13 show lists Chris headlining with Nicki’s name below, so it’s unclear whether their summer shows will see them as co-headliners or with Chris on top. How do you even decide in this pairing who gets top billing? Do Chris and Nicki just roast each other’s bad life decisions playground style with a circle of peers surrounding them, deciding who is laying down the best caps? May the biggest douche emerge the victor! In that case, yeah, it’s safe to say that Chris should headline.