You know what’s sad? Dina Lohan is in some depressing online, never-met-before-in-person relationship with a dude and still, she’s in a more successful relationship than me. Lindsay Lohan‘s former momager (Is she still? Does she get 10% of the Beach Club? Maybe she does and can turn that bankruptcy around?) has been dating a man for the last five years whom she has never met. Recently the happy couple had a bit of a rough patch and broke up over some jealousy issues. Well don’t worry all you romantics out there, it seems there’s hope for these two after all! So much so that maybe there’s even an engagement in the future… Oh wow this is a love story made in You’ve Got Mail–Hell.
Dina Lohan first revealed to the world that she was a complete fool… well, several years ago. But then she was on Celebrity Big Brother this year and revealed a whole other layer to the thick tomfoolery and lack of awareness. Dina really let the detachment with reality show when she told fellow celebrity housemates Kandi Burruss, Tamar Braxton and Natalie Eva Marie that she had in fact never met the man with whom she considered herself to be in a relationship for the last five years. Well… obviously this was quite the revelation. MTV already had a relationship with Lindsay for her show about drunks on the beach, and so they asked their Catfish guy to help Dina out. But then it turned out the dude was real, (or at least claiming to be) because Catfish always finds the truth. Damn, they shoulda worked on the Mueller Report. A man named Jesse Nadler stepped forward and admitted he was the one who decided to couple up with Dina.
It seemed like everything was perfect; Dina’s man was real, so the relationship’s main issue was solved, right? Wrong: Dina got jealous over a book Jesse was promoting on Facebook and it tore the two of them apart. Someone call Romeo & Juliet you’re gross child love story is no longer the creepiest/tragic romance in the world. But now TMZ is saying that unlike Romeo and Juliet, Dina and Jesse are headed for a happy ending.
Jesse spoke with TMZ and said that Dina came crawling back on Sunday. She reached out to him on the phone (because she’s never met him ever, still) and they “hashed everything out”. Dina apologized for “wrongly accusing him” of talking to other women on the Internet (which is the extent of their relationship so like, how could you do that with someone else?!).
And buckle in for this idiocy! Jesse is planning on asking Dina to marry him when they finally meet and even bought an engagement ring. TMZ has a picture of the ring in a Tiffany’s box, so that’s proof it exists but is it Jesse’s? Is it actually for Dina? Was he just at the store and took a picture to “get someone’s opinion”? Did he take a picture of the ring his friend bought for his girlfriend? It’s really anyone’s guess. Jesse won’t have to worry about producing the ring anytime soon, though–he’s going to propose when they meet and they still have not set a date to meet.
As for Dina showing her affection; Jesse says that Dina recently sent him a shit ton of The Wendy Williams Show merchandise like robes and mugs and “other swag” for him and his mother who is battling cancer. She is fighting cancer, you can’t make her wear a scratchy-ass Wendy Williams robe, too.
I’m calling it: this is a sham. Jesse can’t afford Tiffany’s engagement rings and be thankful for The Wendy Williams Show merch. It’s not possible. “Oh, I’m a successful person and I also cream myself when my broke internet girlfriend mails me a purple mug with Wendy Williams’ name on it!” No. That’s not happening.
Lindsay Lohan needs to come collect her mother. If she doesn’t end this for good before they finally meet (aka a guy holding an iPad comes to Dina’s door with Jesse on FaceTime and hands her a ring which is not the same as the Tiffany’s one he showed TMZ) then her mom is going to get engaged to a man who will take her for all of The Wendy Williams Show merch she has!